New Level, New Devil!

    Trump has emerged victorious; frankly, I am not surprised by this outcome. The thought of a woman president and a Black president within a mere two decades of the first Black male president feels almost implausible. Let’s be realistic—this isn’t a scenario we can envision unfolding in our current climate. The colonial church has already denounced the Black church and aligned Democrats as those who lack true faith. On the other hand, the Republicans, it seems, have succumbed to the devil's deception, choosing to idolize a convicted individual known for his dishonesty. I foresee that the charges against the president will be quietly dismissed, allowing him to evade the consequences of his actions. At the same time, we may face our earthly reckoning, and we will all ultimately answer for our sins. 

    I cannot speak on behalf of the colonialists, the so-called patriots, or the members of the Black church. I can only share my perspective. I hold firmly that God will not be fooled; the righteous will ultimately triumph over the wicked. Many of us labor under the delusion that wrongdoers can evade their repercussions, and in our folly, we may find ourselves mirroring their destructive behavior. Our churches often pick and choose their battles, taking credit for triumphs rather than directing the glory to God. Too frequently, they pit themselves against one another, operating from a place of superiority instead of finding common ground through dialogue and understanding. This betrayal spans both the political aisles and the pulpit. 

    Through this journey, I have come to a stark revelation: one must stop placing trust in humanity. The harsh truth is that those who loudly proclaim support are often unwilling to sacrifice their own interests for your success, mainly when there’s a fear you may eclipse their achievements. It’s time to move forward with the wisdom that my family will always take precedence when push comes to shove. We have witnessed this reality unfold in various shades. America has made its choice—a decision to elect a man who embodies their values and fears. A leader who champions immigration restrictions, abortion bans, opposition to LGBTQ rights, advocates for states’ rights, shows favoritism towards the wealthy, suppresses educational opportunities, and commits injustices against People of Color. America has placed its trust in the individual who gives voice to their whispered intentions during secretive gatherings. 

    We find ourselves facing “a new level, a new devil.” As we ascend with a fresh perspective, learning to trust God and affirming He is at the helm, we are also confronted with formidable distractions. These distractions skillfully divert our attention from our Creator when we strive to draw closer to Him. Every day seems to have unique challenges, tugging our focus away from the One who guides us. I can’t shake the feeling that something feels amiss with this election cycle. In my circle, no single individual contested the results; the Democrats seem to falter. When the Republicans selected their leader, I wondered what kind of person they believed suited that responsibility. It appears irrelevant in the grand scheme; laws will be twisted to facilitate reelection, even for those convicted of felonies. 

    The future remains shrouded in uncertainty. We grapple to keep pace with the present. Our growing anxieties and tumultuous emotions cloud our judgment and spiritual clarity, rendering it difficult to discern God's voice. It is all too easy to slip into negativity. Our minds often venture into the worst possible scenarios, and repeatedly, as my direst thoughts come to naught. Our faith is indeed being tested. The question looms: I have watched. Will we pass that test?

Happy Halloween!

How can anyone compare the differences between Nick Bosa and Colin Kaepernick? Think about it: these are two different individuals who took different actions and are treated differently. Kaepernick never claimed to hate America, just as Kamala Harris never said she hated anyone. If she did, the media would not make excuses to report it. It is possible to dislike people's behavior without expressing hatred for them. 

America's treatment of Black individuals has made it clear how the country views them. When Black people peacefully protest this treatment, it often fails to resonate with those who have never experienced such abuse. This disconnect can be problematic for people who have not faced similar struggles to understand.

Furthermore, consider how many white individuals benefit from systemic privileges that grant them significantly more leeway than people of color. That’s why they can’t relate and will not attempt to understand. They don’t have to. Many Americans will not admit that there is an ingrained racial problem. It’s in our blood. When the indentured servants arrived, they were escaping from inequality in their countries. It didn’t take long to forget and pass it on. Slavery was a money-making business. Besides, Black people weren’t seen as being human, anyway.

The people are tired of being angry, divided, and bitter. Why are we choosing sides? I still can’t understand why it’s okay to support some felons and not others. I can’t understand why it’s acceptable to be friends with the Russians and support dictatorships. But so many people are. I am tired of this division.

VOTE!!!

Group Therapy Works!

I made time to attend my veteran group meeting earlier this afternoon. We had another engaging session today. It’s no coincidence that we, these sisters and brothers, are brought together. Our facilitator, Dr. S, is a veteran who has walked a similar path to ours. She leads and guides us but never imposes. Dr. S's understanding and compassion are genuine; she is the real deal and has the group’s respect. In our group, everyone is caring, honest, and truthful, creating a safe space for us all.

The subjects today affected us all. We have so much in common emotionally that we empathize and sympathize with each other. However, I did not participate this time. I was too busy thinking of my doubts and fears and how I deal with them every moment of the day. Some may think that what works for them may not work for others, but if you don’t share what works for you, how will you know if it won’t? At least give the person a chance to work it out. I was selfish today and didn’t follow the Spirit’s calling to share Philippians 4-7. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Everyone has their cross to carry. Don’t be fooled or envious if their cross seems lighter than yours. Pray for divine wisdom and understanding because you don’t know what that person has been through, gone through, or found a way to make that burden appear lighter to an observer. I read 13 Bible verses each day to make it through the day. I know about depression, panic attacks, insecurity, and vulnerability. I know about distrust, discrimination, hatred, and envy. I sometimes seem overwhelmed, but I believe the words I read daily are accurate and truthful. I believe that if I trust God’s Words, whatever I go through, good or bad, He is still in control and loves me even if I don’t deserve it. Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The apostle Paul said, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39. I share these verses with you to inspire hope and remind you of the power of faith in our journey.

As the discussion unfolded, the elders stepped in with their wisdom. Yoyo suggested a lighthearted distraction, blaming bodily gas, while KT proposed a way to help family members cope with painful memories. Other members offered their insights and solutions. However, I stood on the sidelines, feeling I didn’t have enough time to contribute. Looking back, I deeply regret not seizing the opportunity to share my thoughts and experiences. I want to express my sincere apologies for not valuing your input more. My major obstacle was inserting God into the conversation without offending anyone. I sincerely believe that I would not be present without Him being by my side. 

After reading, I do non-strenuous exercises, such as breathing, stretching, walking in place, alternating pumping my arms and holding them up towards the ceiling, and whatever may come to me, including push-ups and swinging my arms. The most important thing is remembering and being thankful for the blessings of family, friends, and life. Compared to the lives and experiences of others, we are blessed.

I go to bed early every night, even when traveling. I often struggle to fall asleep, and when I do, it's usually only for 2-3 hours. However, I reflect on the day's productivity and actions and express gratitude during this time. I strive to hear from God, "Well done," but I recognize that I'm still a work in progress. I understand the importance of sleep, rest, healthy eating, and exercise. I do my best, and if I fall short one day, I aim to do better the next. We stumble and fall but can get back up and start again. I fight a spiritual battle every day because I know that the enemy wants me to fail and give up. I’ve done wrong for so long that he doesn’t want me to do good. So, he finds ways to tempt me, return to former habits, and renounce my commitment to do better.

Keep in mind that these processes work for me. They are not a cure-all for sadness and hurt. Some days will be better than others. Try not to call them bad days, even if they are. They can still be worse but don’t take it personally or as divine punishment. Trouble won’t last forever. As we age, we change our eating and drinking habits. We can do the same with our thinking habits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Another Part of Things

Keeping It Short

    I’ve been trying for months and am ready to give up on my search to add ads to my Google Blog. I am not technical savvy and do not understand the technical writings and explanations that Google uses. I feel disappointed and discouraged with all the obstacles in front of me. But, it has been rewarding to have this medium of writing. I may not have the graphs and scales who read my entries, but I am relieved I can express myself.

 

    I don’t write much or consistently. I write when I get a feeling about something that affects me. It’s easier to express myself in writing. It allows me to review what I expressed emotionally without causing too much misunderstanding and confusion. People will interpret what they want, anyway. Sometimes, just speaking, we can get too emotional in explaining our feelings about specific things. Our listeners might misinterpret what we meant and misunderstand our deliverance. The world is tense enough. Everyone seems to be on edge these days.

 

    It's disconcerting when I see some writers pour out their feelings, and their readers make disparaging remarks. Disrespect seems to be the norm these days, and kindness is lacking from those who hide behind the computer and on the streets. After the debate, expect to see more. Whatever is decided, I know that God is in control. I trust Him.

 

Lucky, The Little Shadow

Once upon a time, around two thousand years ago, a little shadow was born in a barn. A bright, shining star was over the barn, but a little, timid shadow was connected to a baby boy. The room was full of animals, and his parents wrapped the baby boy in swaddling clothes in a manger. They were tight pieces of cloth to cover the baby. There were a lot of people crowded around. The little shadow was afraid, so it hid behind the baby boy. God told him this baby was special before he was born, but he didn’t understand why. All babies are unique, but this one will have to save humanity. There was something about him, and he decided to stay as close as possible and as long as he could be next to the baby boy. The little shadow felt peaceful and assured he would never leave the baby’s side.

 

Over the years, he and the baby grew, and Lucky, once timid, became very confident being next to Jesus as they grew. Lucky saw that Jesus was making things better for the people around him, and this realization filled him with a sense of growth and inspiration. He saw how much Jesus loved everybody. Lucky remembered when Jesus separated from his family and was found in the temple. His parents were worried that he was lost and about his safety. Jesus told his mother that He was about his Father’s business. He loved his mother, Mary, but he will always obey his heavenly father, as he will obey his earthly father, Joseph, a carpenter.

 

Lucky was growing and could no longer be called little. He felt a strong sense of humility and compassion from Jesus. People everywhere have problems. He saw how mean some people were to Jesus. They called him names, laughed at him, and even tried to hurt him physically, but Jesus still loved them. Lucky suffered with him, too. He knew already that walking with Jesus would be difficult, but Lucky was committed to Jesus and admired the many wonderful he was doing.

 

Jesus kept on healing the sick and spreading the word of God. He would talk to people and tell them all about themselves. This angered some but convinced many others to follow him. Those angry people plotted against Jesus. They didn’t know that Jesus knew about it but was prepared to give his life to save the souls of humanity. Lucky went everywhere with Jesus and listened to every word he told the people and apostles. Together, they fed thousands of people, walked on water, raised the dead, cried, falsely accused, and cruelly tormented and eventually crucified. Even near Jesus’ last breath, Lucky remembered that he still forgave those mean people.

 

It wasn’t over. When everyone thought Jesus was dead and buried, he came back! Lucky could go with Jesus this time. Jesus told him it wasn’t necessary. Jesus was transformed like his Father. He was pure light.

A Lesson I learned This Week!

    What have I learned this week? I learned how great God is. I learned how powerful he is. I learned that I lacked faith. Doubt and fear are severe weaknesses. I learned how it affects my marriage, my wife, and myself. I learned that I can be better and that there is still time to get my act together. I’ve said I have a praying wife who prayed for me again this morning. I always feel at my lowest when I see that I hurt her in some way or another. I should be encouraging and supportive, but instead, I’m critiquing and tearing her down over what? Am I that picky? Am I that type of idiot? I have a great wife, a good woman, a caring and loving woman. It’s like I’m trying to sabotage this relationship.

 

    I went to confession yesterday at church, and the priest told me to trust God more. It would help to build up my faith in him so that when every doubt and fear occurs in my mind. I should tell myself to rely on God and do my part, leave the rest of Him, and trust in Him. That night, I slept off and on. I had a headache when I woke up in the middle of the night. I must’ve gone to the bathroom two or three times, and my dreams were surreal and weird. I took an aspirin for a headache, which did not exactly help either. I woke up this morning. I am grateful for that. God could have taken me. I was very sluggish, and once again, my wife prayed for me and herself to be a better wife. When she already is, when it’s me. We said our morning prayers together. Then, we went our separate ways to say our prayers.

 

    The smell of coffee brought me to the kitchen, where she made an omelet with olives and onions. She makes the best coffee and omelet. The ingredients are whatever we have left in the refrigerator. She was also getting dressed for church. 

 

    I have a good thing and still live in the past with regrets. I must overcome this. The evidence is genuine and tangible. The results are miracles and an appreciation of the Lord's goodness. I don’t have any excuses to ignore the miracles in my life.

 

Dreams of Peace!

They say old men dream dreams, and as I've gotten older, I've had many perplexing dreams that I don't understand. The world is becoming more dangerous every day. We're divided, contentious, hateful, and unkind to each other. We've been greedy and wanting more since the beginning of time, even when we have more than enough. These dreams I have are unlike anything I've dreamed of, and I don't understand them. God was there no matter where I was in those dreams or what I did. When I am awake, I still feel His presence. We are going to need it.

 

It's election year. Things have gotten worse. It's like a battle between good and evil. So much evil has been spewed, and it is backfiring back. Is there a cover-up? To me, if candidate Trump was wounded, why is there no one from the media or medical world discussing the effects? Some people took advantage of it to enhance his candidacy. After all, Trump appeared in some movies. Maybe he went old-school Hollywood to the nation. We will never know what was on the mind of the young man who died and the bystanders killed by him that fateful day.

 

As we know, Biden lost the debate against Trump, but no one knew what was happening in Biden‘s mind or body. Trump avoided the questions and never had any positive substance to support that he knew what he was doing. Nevertheless, he tried to come back, flubbing his news interview, and now, of course, he has Covid. His party does not support the incumbent, Joe Biden; they ask him not to run for reelection, and he complies.  

 

What is so shameful about our country right now is that it was built on the backs of enslaved peoples, who were forced to leave their homes. Immigrants, no less. Others left their homeland with free will, some with fear, seeking happiness and freedom from tyranny. This young nation fought wars on this land against the British, against tyranny, denouncing oppression, and finding democracy. And during that time, we’ve had a civil war and other wars to protect this democracy. Unfortunately, biased people never recovered from it. Ironically, some of these very descendants want to repeat living under an oppressive government, denying the pursuit of happiness for others and abandoning people’s rights that so many before them died for.

 

This article is not about any presidency or candidates running for president. It is about good versus evil. The trend towards blocking goodwill is a pattern around us. Division is keeping the country in depression and anxiety on edge. Is Project 2024 the new Mein Kampf and Doctrine of Fascism? Is a Democratic society moving towards a dictatorship? God forbid. Americans refuse to repeat the failures of the past here or anywhere else. This is a need and a time for prayer. It’s time for the true believers to stand up and pray for this nation’s future. There are no excuses. We all need to dream and hope for peace.

Loving is Hard, Forgiving is Harder

Life is already demanding enough to deal with the business of survival. Add families and relationships to it, and you can have some severe complications. We all know it, and if you are still living, you are still dealing with it. At some point, our emotions start to get the best of us when we open ourselves emotionally to someone we think will accept us as we are and we, them. Eventually, we get that feeling for the other person we call love. We can only hope that they would love us as much.

 

 During these emotional roller coasters, we find that the love was temporary for whatever reason, and then, we’re not in love anymore but left with a super heartache. Some of us are left with an emptiness, a void, because we gave too much of ourselves to make that love work. This type of love is nothing compared to the loss of a loved one who passed from one world to the next. Keep in mind that there are different kinds of love and levels. There’s not enough room and time to get into all of that. I want to keep it simple. Once we’ve gone through the breakups and heartaches, we build walls and barriers to avoid future hurts. Those who are “successful” in remaining in love find that staying in love is hard. It takes a lot of work to prove it, put up with it, and keep it. 

 

It takes more forgiving to make that love work. How much can you forgive? It’s up to the persons involved. None of us are perfect, yet we think that being in love should be. So, if one of us makes a mistake that shouldn’t have happened, it can be unforgivable. Our anger and pride will make us so blind and hurt that we forget that we could have been the ones who made the mistake. That’s what we do. We become hell to live with or stay in love when we get hurt.

 

 Hairline cracks become valleys, and it’s hard to cross. Some of us are unwilling to go the extra mile. It might show a sign of weakness or submission. Instead of trying, we give up and move on with the baggage, which becomes a new brick in our walls. Forgive? Some of our arguments are so stupid that we can’t even remember why. Yet, we are held hostage by our stupidity. Acts of distrust and betrayal can be unforgivable acts. Sharing your most trusted love with an outsider can be terrible. But what did we do to cause it? What was going on in our life that was so important that we took that love for granted and ignored the symptoms?

 

 Future loves will catch hell. We men have had our hearts broken and carry baggage, too! We look for honesty and trust, but we wait to see if our love will be returned. Now, we will go through the effort to get to know you and feel you. But we won’t waste your time and ours if it’s not legit. Well, I can’t talk about all men, not even the older, mature ones, but I think a general consensus stands behind what I say about this. Some of you ladies can’t believe it’s natural, so you balk and put us through tests. Is that necessary? I asked because no one likes to be tested. If you don’t want us, say so! Some of you will lose a good thing. When you do, don’t look back. Woulda, coulda, and shoulda won’t have any values. Now, who will forgive you?

 

In closing this entry, love is a gift we find and share. It is true that some people will reject your gift or won't appreciate it. But don't let that stop you. Love is a unique gift that God has for us all to share. I don't think we would reject His love, but we do when we reject it from each other. This is Advent for many religions, and we should be more patient, understanding, and loving than ever. It was God's Unconditional Love for us to send His only son to be sacrificed so horribly by man to save us. I wish you all a peaceful, blessed, and loving Christmas Season.

Thanks For Being a Blessing, Cousin!

How do, Cousin?

 

My wife & I ate at this restaurant in Savannah, Ga., some years ago. It was an old, segregated bus station the one co-owner, Mashama Bailey, executive chef, and a black woman, bought. She kept the Colored-Only and White-Only signs up in the restaurant. I’m guessing she kept those signs as reminders of the past and whose hands the restaurant is now in. The picture is a humbling reminder of bad times. Lord knows some of us lived it. It doesn’t look like much has changed except modern technology and progress.  Some attitudes are still fighting for the return of Jim Crow. 

 

            There were some good times in our community, too. I remember how the adults looked out for our young and old neighbors. The community stepped in when a neighbor was ill, didn’t have food, or the children needed clothing. We don’t see this too much in our community now. Times have changed, and we have, too.

 

            I know, Dallas, you’re old school, a part of the community passed down generations ago. My Wife and I are very grateful for your sacrifices for us. After all this wordiness, we wanted to say thank you, Cuz! You are appreciated!

 

May you be blessed on earth and in heaven. We love you.

Family, We Will Always Need Them!

            I admire families that are close in spirit and support each other. I want to think I had that when we were growing up, but now that I’m older, I’m not too sure. Yes, I know my mother and maternal grandmother supported us.  I didn’t see much from my father’s side.  I always thought my paternal grandmother was mean to us, and my cousins were her favorites.  She babysat for our parents while they worked.  I couldn’t wait for my mother to pick us up; that’s how much I had been whenever I was there.  It could have been my perception that my paternal grandmother would punish us at her will.  We couldn’t play rough, overate, got too dirty, played too long with something, and were punished.  I was happy that my maternal grandmother returned and kept us.  I wonder now that it was then that I began to separate myself from my cousins and people in general.

 

            I know I separated myself from my father.  He reminded me of his mother’s attitude.  He would give the other kids in the neighborhood where he caroused money, but nothing to but stern talk to us.  His father was a ladies’ man, like father, like son.  Is that genetic?  Looking back after becoming an adult, I wonder if my maternal grandmother took her discontent out on us.  After all, my father was named after his father.  The point is that this disconnection affected my relationship with people.  I didn’t want to get too close to anyone.  I love my family, but did I love them the way other families loved each other?  Those relationships included brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts.  I became a loner.  I didn’t attend many family functions, such as birthdays, funerals, reunions, or celebrations.  I didn’t get to know them, and they didn’t get to know me.

 

            Now that I am in my seventies, it’s no better.  I am content with the people around me and in my life.  Life goes on.  I have opened up to one of my first cousins, mainly because he never gave up on me.  I respect sincerity and believe he is sincere.  I didn’t give my aunt’s children much to go on since she had moved away when we were young.  I was close to my uncles but not as much with my cousins.  We all tend to be suspicious of the past.  I understand that.  Out of the blue, after so many years, why now try to contact each other?  I used to call my Aunties years ago but lost contact with them after my first marriage.  Over time, life brings changes such as losing loved ones, career changes, moving to new cities, and technological advancements. I also lost some phone numbers along the way.

 

            As mentioned, my first cousin kept me informed and up to date.  When I got the new numbers, I found out that one aunt was going through dementia, and the other had almost forgotten me.  I wanted to reconnect through the latest numbers my cousin gave me.  Their children or grandchildren were suspicious of me, as I would for my mother.  I am grateful that people close to me forgive me.  My nieces and nephews have forgiven me for not being a part of their lives for several years.  I have always been cautious about developing long-term relationships because I didn’t want to mourn or be mourned by those I love.

 

            Looking back, my time at my paternal grandparents' house wasn’t always hard. She did the best they could with several grandchildren in the house simultaneously.  My grandfather worked, and she was the stay-at-home wife.  My grandmother had to keep an eye on us mischievous boys. There were four boys and three girls. We were quite a handful. The girls stayed close to her.  They wanted us to catch butterflies, and we wanted to run.  They would rather play jumping jacks and remain in the house while we played stickball, catch, and race.  We were dirty and stinky, but they stayed clean.  My grandmother didn’t want us hurt and had to be stern.  What would our parents think if they picked us up injured?  I don’t know what my grandmother felt.  She was responsible for six-year-old and younger children.  She had four and plenty of experience raising them.

 

            Parents with children sacrifice their lives for their loved ones.  They suffer through pain, doubts, and fears to do their best to provide for and protect their families.  There are moments of tension and disagreements, some to the point of estrangement.  Some reconciled, some didn’t.  I’ve learned that it is healthy to maintain a unified, supportive family, encouraging and supportive of each other with lots of forgiveness and understanding.  Families require much work, but it’s worth it.  I don’t want to take anything from the fathers who do their utmost for their families. I respect them.  Mothers, I admire.  They will pray and be the glue for the family.  They will give up their careers and all their lives for their husbands and children.  We can’t give up on our families.  We need each other.

Masks, Mandates, and Medicines!

    My wife and I have unfortunately been hit with COVID-19. Despite our best efforts to avoid it over the past few years, I did not wear a mask at church. The following Monday, I noticed the first signs of discomfort as an itchiness developed in my throat. Within a couple of days, my wife began to feel unwell, and her condition deteriorated more rapidly than mine. She has always been incredibly cautious, reminding me to constantly clean and sanitize my hands.  Lysol every surface we touch, especially in public spaces and stores, and take meticulous precautions while traveling. She has been diligent about wiping down frequently touched surfaces, using Lysol, and being mindful about using disposable cups and utensils, when necessary, especially in hotels and traveling.

 

    Reflecting on my careless indiscretion, I truly regret not taking the necessary precautions. However, it's important to note that my wife is brilliant and diligent in staying safe.

 

    To alleviate what I thought was just a summer cold, I took a liquid laxative usually used for colonoscopies, believing it would help. Meanwhile, my wife's condition continued to worsen while I thought I was doing well. We struggled together through the week, and on Monday morning, we sought medical attention at urgent care. It was then confirmed through testing that both of us had contracted COVID-19.

 

    The nurse informed me that I was at the tail end of the virus' effects and prescribed three types of medicine for me to take while also advising me to remain quarantined for a week. I couldn't help but think of a recently transitioned Navy friend who had caught COVID-19 in New York while waiting for their overseas cruise. They were confined to a hotel room, but at least we could be in our home. However, my wife insisted that we each stay in separate bedrooms. Since I started feeling better, I took charge of cooking and caring for her. We made sure to spray and wipe down the house thoroughly.

 

    I noticed that after my testing for COVID-19, the nurse still entered my holding room without a mask.  I asked if she thought of wearing a mask since I was infected.  She looked me in the eye and politely said it was her choice not to wear one. I didn’t ask any mask questions since then. I remember in 2020, mask-wearing and mandates were political bombshells divided by politics.  It appeared as a race issue, but it was mainly the elderly and people who cared about others who wore masks. Masks were used to separate the political parties from each other.  I must mention that women, overall, didn’t have a choice in what to choose that was best for them with their bodies. Political laws decided by law made that decision for them.

 

    It is important to remember the impact of the virus. Many people were hospitalized, intubated, and unfortunately passed away. Initially, there was resistance to mask-wearing and vaccination. The medical community faced challenges in treating the virus and developing effective vaccines. The vaccines were relatively new and were administered to people without prior testing on animals. Covid-19 was a severe and dangerous threat. My wife and I, like many others, took this threat seriously. Over time, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention discovered treatments and medications to combat the virus, much like purchasing a new car after its initial issues had been resolved.

 

    I was prescribed Benzonatate, Tessalon, Mucinex (not the OTC kind), and a six-day pack of pills. The medication was effective. My wife is taking cough syrup, using an inhaler, and pills. My realization of this situation came in the middle of the week.  While my wife and I temporarily lived separately and independently in the same house, I missed her. The love of my life was within reach, but I could not share a physical moment with her. When this thought dawned on me, I realized my responsibility was to care for her. Since I was in better condition than her, I prepared her meals and liquids and left them outside her bedroom door on a table. We maintained our daily morning and evening prayer times over the telephone.  I appreciated her more than ever.  I also learned not to let my guard down. Stay aware.  People may not have ill intentions, but we do not know what they know or intend to do.

Anger Is Painful!

Paul the apostle said, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," indicating that it's okay to feel anger, but it should be channeled into actions that uphold justice and righteousness. He also emphasized the importance of supporting and encouraging one another in our journey towards God's Kingdom rather than tearing each other down.  Some angry behaviors are self-motivated and vengeful.  The angry person’s victory is temporary and has no value or benefit to the person or others.

 

Dr. Charles F. Stanley, the founder of In Touch Ministries and a best-selling author, wrote about how the leaders of the 13 colonies came together against England’s injustices and wrote the Declaration of Independence. This historical document was written out of anger but advocated standing up for what is right and recognizing that all men are equal.  They are “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  It seems like peaceful demonstrations are part of the past, and violence is now accepted from the computer to in-your-face threats to people trying to do their jobs.  Anger rises when we go beyond God’s boundaries, seeking harm, hurt, and destruction instead of finding methods towards peace and obeying God’s Laws and Will. 

 

Our society is a testament to the prevalence of anger. It's all around us. We’re angry about sports, about the perceived mistreatment of our favorite athletes and teams.  We’re angry about whose religion is better.  We’re angry about ourselves and our circumstances.  Politicians are so angry about their parties that work can’t be completed, and even the judges can’t judge.  We’re even angry about the truth.  This widespread anger underscores the need for a deeper understanding of how to manage and channel our emotions in a way that promotes peace and righteousness. 

 

It is straightforward.  Our anger started at a very young age; it began within our families.  The very place where the devil looks to separate us from God’s love.  Satan is out to destroy what God’s love built.  The Garden of Evil is a staunch reminder.  

 

Satan, driven by his selfish desires, cunningly infiltrates a tranquil haven, employing deception and lies to persuade Adam and Eve, who are content and fulfilled, that their current state is insufficient. Through manipulation, the deceiver sets the couple against each other, resulting in the tragic loss of their innate blessings and love, which they must now toil tirelessly, never to return to that peace.  The serpent, willing to endure eternal slithering, triumphs in driving a permanent wedge between God and humanity. The deep-seated resentment between Adam and Eve's sons, Cain and Abel, persists for millennia, leaving a long-lasting legacy of anger and conflict.  We may not be their descendants to inherit this specific trait, but we learned it somewhere in our family tree.

 

Anger is harmful, hurtful, and destructive. Once we cross that line, there is little chance of having another opportunity for a do-over. It’s like losing a very valuable item; once lost, you will never get it back.  You may never recover from this as an excuse.  The behavior is inexcusable.  There is a chance to recover and find ways; plenty of resources can help.  Get them and use them.

 

 

What's The Point?

            We all have our struggles and disappointments.  Sometimes, we felt discouraged enough that some of us were ready to throw in the towel.  But we didn’t.  Troubles and failures seem to overwhelm us emotionally to the point that they make us physically sick.  Sick enough to question if we were the only ones going through these painful sufferings.  Don’t use the words, “Can anything else go wrong?”  Yes, something else can go wrong.  Why does it seem we’re experiencing these fallouts when we should celebrate living?  There are many things we don’t know, especially our future.  We know that if we continue allowing frustration and discouragement to get to us, we will suffer more.  Some of us have channeled these emotional frustrations into anger at everything.  Look around you; feel the bitterness.  We do not realize our anger's impact on the people close to us.  Don’t call it selfish behavior if a person is ignorant.  It’s an excuse for themselves.  In some circles, it’s called denial.  Our anger is used as punishment.  If we’re careless, our self-inflicted punishment will destroy us and everything around us.

 

            As I look back on my life, I’ve been in worse situations, and the world around me is the same world around me now.  Somehow, I made it through by the grace of God and got past it.  Of course, trouble can materialize out of nothing.  I realized that with negative thinking, I can attract negative vibes.  I learned to stay away from negative people and their negative thinking.  Sometimes, we must release so-called friends and journey alone.  Those who are meant for us will also find a way to get together.  No one has said that life is easy, and not even the folks we think have it made.  Everyone has their share of problems, emotionally, financially, physically, mentally, politically, socially, and spiritually.  We are hard to be satisfied with what we have.  It’s never enough or what we expected.  We will always be discouraged and frustrated and will continue to struggle.  Remember that someone else always has it worse than we do.

 

            We should not ask ourselves what the point is; instead, we should ask what we can do about it.  What the end tells me is that what I’m going through is surrendering to the losses and suffering, which has no value in continuing.  It’s giving up on the principles that brought me through the challenges and adversities I fought through in life.  It’s me turning my back on God, who wanted me to trust in Him no matter what I face because He won’t leave me.  Yes, I’m disgusted with the members of Congress, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, nationally and locally.  I’m disappointed in Christians who have forgotten that God loves us all equally and we should love him first and foremost.  I can’t condone people ignoring the wrongs that this country’s politicians are perpetuating.  Nor can I accept the ignorance parents express by allowing their teens to follow social media, carry guns, and commit violent crimes.  I’m frustrated that people want to return to the past when racial inequality was thought to be acceptable in this country and suitable for the oppressed.  I’m disgusted that it’s okay to rewrite history and deny the truth for the sake of some peoples’ children.  It’s apparent from listening to the media, which controls information and misinformation on a grand scale that I am not the only person that feels this way.

 

 I’m told that our anger is secondary; there is an underlying source, but we know there is nothing we can do about that, so our anger is redirected.  These other objects we share our anger with reflect what we are mad about.  For example, I am angry with myself because of the decisions that got me into the wilderness in the first place.  I messed up, and it’s time to fess up.  The world didn’t do this to me.  I did it to myself.  People will always find ways to hate you, dislike you, or put you down and keep you under their will.  We don’t have to take it or stay there.  If we are weak-minded, then we shouldn’t expect any changes.  We must change for our sake.  We will need spiritual help to get it done.

 

            In the grip of our self-inflicted spell, we often fail to acknowledge the multitude of blessings inherent in this process. We must break free from the misguided belief that others or material possessions will rescue us. Our trust is often misplaced, and our focus wavers when emotions overwhelm us. It's imperative to center our thoughts. It's not about us; it's about Jesus. He can achieve so much with so little, as evidenced by multiplying two loaves of bread and five fish. We must believe in His capacity to help us, as He has done in the past and will do again. Despite my realist nature, I must wholeheartedly believe in His support.  Let's ditch this rollercoaster thinking and hop on the transformative thinking track!  We must not let hostile external forces influence our internal positive abilities. Summing up, the point is that we are valuable and will not give in to our adverse environments. Vote!

My Friend’s Prayer To God On Pentecost Sunday 2024!

Hello, Heavenly Father, please help me.  I am undergoing what you already know is a significant problem regarding my family.  Today is Pentecost Sunday, May 19th, my mother-in-law.  She has been here for about a week, minus a few days in the hospital.  My wife Sandy has been tending to her day and night, watching over her.  You already know that.  I need to speak to someone, but you are the Divine Counselor.  I learned on Pentecost Sunday that the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of God.  The fruits of the Holy Spirit are charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control, and chastity.  Holy Father, I am grateful to have learned these gifts promptly.  But you already know that my current problem is finding understanding and counsel.  They seem to clash with my self-control and patience when they involve Sandy.

 

I know it's a lot of the stress from her job that is giving her so much anxiety and depression.   The blame is also on me.  I haven’t helped much this past week with my own complaining and pointing fingers.  I do feel better now that her mother had stent surgery.  We finally got to the source of her pains, heart palpitations.  I know I've told Sandy so many times about enabling her mom.  This time, it got the best of me.  I was very frustrated, fixated, and angry.  I thought my wife was being taken advantage of.  Lord, you know I need somebody to talk to.

 

I believe her mother heard me discussing this concern because Sandy was supposed to take her home on Monday.  We should have done it Saturday, but Sandy said no, her mom wasn’t looking any better.  Her mom decided to go home on Sunday.  Both are picky eaters, and they need food for strength.  None of them have eaten a decent breakfast these days; they feel they don’t need breakfast.  You have been telling me for a while now that having a solid breakfast is good because you never know what an emergency can be. And we won't have time to eat.  They have gotten into that habit but don't see it that way.  You got me through this, Lord.  You were here with me the whole time.  Friday morning, I had to take Sandy to the emergency room for her heart palpitations.  After so many tests and blood draws, she was diagnosed with Pericarditis. Something about some of the skin flaps around the heart had swollen and got infected.  Sandy wasn't healthy enough to help anyone, and both needed recovery time.  And there was no one else that Sandy felt that she could call, not even her mother's sister.

 

I want to thank you, Father, that while we were at the hospital, you cared for her mother by herself here in the house.  I'm glad I did go when you sent me with her to the emergency room because even though we spent six hours at the hospital, Sandy did not eat or drink any liquids.  After all that time, the doctor gave her some oxycodone and some Motrin on an empty stomach.  Sandy wouldn't have been able to drive herself home.  Anyway, I give you all the thanks, O Heavenly Father.  I want to thank you now.  Even though Sandy said she changed her mind and would take her mother home Monday, her mom wanted to leave Sunday.

 

In a way, I feel bad, but Father, I thank you. Because you answered my request for counsel, wisdom, and understanding.  I am to trust in you in all things.  You are in control.  Sandy was going to try to take her after a workday.  They're not breakfast eaters, so Sandy's mother might have heard when I said, Baby, you can't even take care of yourself, and now you're trying to take care of your mom.  She expects you to do this and do that for her.  I'm clashing between wisdom and understanding again with a need for self-control of my tongue and patience.  Father, I don't feel wrong about what I said.  Sandy needs to take care of herself, whether mom heard me or not.  I know you give us all these challenges, and the main thing is that you want us to lean on you and Father, thank you for letting me lean on you this Friday. I was lost. I wanted to call somebody. I wanted to release all this frustration; I could not hold this in.   I know Sandy loves her mom, and I respect that, but the mom had done so much self-pitying that it seemed the only person who would pay her any attention was Sandy.  I would do the same for my mom.  Am I that selfish?

 

Sandy will stop whatever she is doing, take her to the doctor or hospital, and sit with her all day. I told Sandy before all this occurred that 75% of her stress, anxiety, and weight loss is due to her job, 12% is due to her mother, and another 13% is me.  My self-control and mouth clash with patience because I can't hold it in.  Forgive me, Lord; I need your counsel and wisdom. Thank you for letting me have this conversation with you, Father.  You know my weaknesses and my flaws. You are always listening to me.  I feel guilty because her mother is serious this time. 

 

Sandy drops everything when she calls, and it sounds like the little boy who called Wolf.  Now that this woman truly needs her, I don't have any sensitivity or sympathy for her mom. I do now, but I'm more sympathetic to Sandy because of what she's going through now. She once said she wanted to rest today but didn't get any rest.  I am grateful to you for being our father. Whether her mother heard me or not, or whether she decided to stand on her own, she made the right decision to begin her healing process.  I hope Sandy doesn't come home worried because she will have plenty of space to rest, relax, and meditate on you. After all, it's hard to face Monday “fires” after she was off on Friday for the past couple of days to return to her job, and you know it will be all kinds of emails.  There will be missed calls and pressure on this and pressure from that, and it's already stressful enough that she would need at least a night of relaxation.  I need to be thinking about having her something to eat in the mornings. She needs the strength to go through all this.  I must repeat these seven gifts of the Holy Spirit because I need them. I need them.  Wisdom, Oh Lord, you know I need that with understanding.  There's so much that comes under understanding. To me, sympathy and empathy are just being sensitive.

 

The Holy Spirit is the divine counsel we need to fortify my strength in you.  Lord, knowledge, and holiness, I understand that I must always be Christ-like, remembering that you give and take away everything in Sandy and me.  Out of respect and reverence, we should fear You.  You knew us before we were born.  Do I listen to or pay attention to the fruits: charity, joy, peace, and patience?  Charity is love, but that's giving. There is generosity, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and trust in you, Heavenly Father.  Modesty, being humble and self-control who runs their mouth discipline and chastity, but Father, I thank you.  God, I thank you.  I thank you for the lessons you're teaching us and the lessons we're learning.  Thank you, because you have helped me, and it is a relief.  I know Sandy will be at her mom’s house for hours.   Her mom's going to stay temporarily downstairs.  Sandy will make everything accessible for her.  How many people are blessed to have a child like that?  That will take care of her even though her brother, her brother's baby Mama, and her aunt won’t.  It seems they don't care for her except to avoid each other. She doesn’t need to babysit.  She's legally blind.  Her mother also needs to be around people, I think to me, the other problem is loneliness.  Whether she wants to or not mingle with others, I think it’s essential. Father, I thank you for the moments that you've given me with you and Sally, and I appreciate it.  Please help me with my self-control.  Trying to tame this tongue of mine is going to be tough.  I thank you for your grace and blessings, Lord.  I submit my petitions to you with praise and thanksgiving in Jesus’s name.  Amen.

 

Note: My friend was hurting that day.  He’s doing much better after accepting the things he cannot change and reconciling with himself.  He said not with his mother-in-law but reconciling with God and himself.  He also wanted me to share his thoughts on this blog.  I have his permission to do this.

Ephesians 6:12. So Many Versions That Mean The Same Thing!

             I know I’m not the only person looking at these campus protests with many questions that have no answers.  I understand that these elected politicians see what I see.  But where are the police?  I remember the Black Lives Matter protests had more police and white militia that were overlooking them, but where are they on these white college campuses?  Could it be that on these college campuses, the trigger-happy and club-carrying enforcement would confuse the children of the trump supporters as activists vs patriots?  Maybe it’s hard to see the differences in some of the tanned students apart from the supporters is more complicated than all-black supporters.  It could be that orders from higher-ups told them to stand down.  When the BLM tried to explain that outside agitators were the sources of violent protests, no one believed them.  Regarding the recent protests in Gaza, it was found that the students had outside agitators, yet some of the tent cities stayed up. 

 I will say that the Trump supporters are in New York supporting the Head Liar and kissing the ring that they don’t have time to care about what’s happening on the campuses because they are antisemitic until it comes to black deans and presidents leading Ivy League campuses.  They are bold with their biases and don’t care who sees them.  The voting districts have been rigged that these folks will be reelected without trying.  They are obeying people’s agendas who are not their constituents.  Mike Johnson, the current speaker of the House, is an evangelical and one of Trump’s surrogates.  My, my, my.  I guess some folks will sell their souls to the devil no matter what.  He’s not the only one.  Tuberville, Jordan, Comer, Margorie, and Supreme Court Justices Alito and Thomas love the perks.  They must have found the fountain of youth or the secret to immortality.  They seem willing to do whatever it takes to appease their supreme human.  It must be the lifestyle of the rich and famous that has blinded them all.

 

            There is something intrinsically wrong with the politics and leadership of our nation.  Wrong is acceptable and being ignored.  How many people have been convicted of fraud and are now in jail?  Quite a few millionaires are paying for their wrongs, but this former president’s illegal behavior is accepted among his peers.  Rules are written for some people and only followed by some people.  His flunkies believe that he is above the law.  They believe in him more than God.  Incredibly, the Christian evangelicals are supporting his white power scams to divide this nation.  They know this but will accept Trump is power-mad and vindictive.  His Inside agitators are working to disinform, discredit, and deceive the people of this nation into accommodating dictatorship while the true believers stand by and do nothing.  The modern-day KKK is once again using intimidation and fear tactics to frighten the righteous.

 

            When will we learn that greed has no friends?  Money doesn’t discriminate; people do.  Very few politicians are willing to meet in the middle across the aisles.  I have not seen Republican candidates show any interest in people who look like me or care for my interests.  I think that they are afraid to address the truth.  They are not much different from the Democrats, whom I don’t see or hear from until election year.  Family values are disappearing.  This country needs Jesus, but we have too many excuses to ask for His help.  Some of us would instead pray to someone or something else.

 

            We all get caught up in who’s who and who is with or against us.  I am caught up, too.  I forgot that we argue against the spiritual forces of evil and the powers of this dark world we are living in.  They have possessed our weak minds and spirits to turn against each other.  Where we find hate and disagreement, we should look for love and compromise.  Divided, we fall; united, we rise.

 

 

Have A Blessed Mother's Day!

Happy Mother’s Day, past, present and future! God blessed you all with bravery, courage, compassion, generosity, kindness, love and wisdom. What powerful human beings you are!! Thank you for your sacrifices. We appreciate your grace and patience. Much love!

This, Too, Shall Pass!

            I admit that living is complicated, but it’s all we have.  At least, we have several opportunities to improve it.  Nothing can be done after dying.  I wouldn’t know, but I haven’t heard anyone returning to forewarn us.

 

            Once again, another friend of mine is in hospice.  The older I get, the more losses I experience.  Captain Tom was my shipmate whom, after 40 years or so, I got in contact with regarding my mental concerns.  While sailing across stormy waters, we lost a fellow shipmate during the hurricane.  I was on duty in the pilot house and on the 1MC.  The captain had me announce that all men remained inside the ship's skin due to the weather conditions.  No one needs to go on deck to see how it looks.  We could see the 30-40 feet swells and white-capped waves from the pilot house.  The ship was fighting to stay on course.  A few shipmates didn’t listen.  Two did go outside, and one was washed overboard.  The swells had moved us away from the sailor, and it took some time for the ship to come about.  When we located him, the swell picked the boat up and dropped it on top of him.  He was struggling but alive, not afterward.  

 

Bob Uecker & Captain Tom

            I have always carried the blame but was able to shelve it in the background of my mind.  It did not surface until I was appointed the head of the veteran program in a homeless shelter.  I had always wondered why I was so edgy and distrustful of people.  My wife had me go to the VA to find out.  I was diagnosed with PTSD.  After 40-plus years, I finally realized the truth.  When I got out of the Navy, I thought it was high blood pressure and other health issues.  We never thought to look at my state of mind.  Now it’s too late.

 

            I searched for Tom on Facebook for the name and dates of the tragic event. I’ve never been a fan of social media. I found him and a couple of other shipmates, and we sorted it out. He spent 38 years in service and was quite a journalist.  Since then, we have maintained correspondence for the past two years.  We shared some pictures of our families and discussed retirement and traveling.  He was so proud of his family and their accomplishments.  Most of all, his grandchildren were the ones who controlled his heart.  He bragged about his wife Diane, who has been his anchor and soulmate throughout his journey.  They took more ocean cruises than I could count.  It was an annual event with them.  I remember they had to stay in New York under quarantine during Covid because he caught it.  He didn’t have the virus, but he was around someone who did, not his wife, but they had to remain separated from others.

 

            In our conversations, he told me that he did have cancer and was receiving treatments.  He would still go on cruises but took the shorter ones whenever the doctor permitted.  He never gave up or let it get him down.  He remained positive the entire time.  The treatments did exhaust him, but he never stopped journaling.  Tom was involved in several community-based programs helping people and was a member of several rotary, local, and national clubs.  I tried to contact him again, but I’m sure Diane is shielding him and making preparations.

 

            I am sad but blessed to have known Tom.  He was authentic, not a fake representation of a man with integrity and honesty.  Like many folks who have suffered physically, he will not be hurting when he’s called home.  Tom left an impact on many of us.  He’ll be missed mourned, but never forgotten.  This, too, shall pass.  While we are still living, we don’t need to make any excuses why we can’t change.

Softball Playoffs In Charlotte, NC May 3-4, 2024 Weekend!

 

Gorillas & Rhinos

 

Easter At My Cousins!

 

Love You, Mother Bennett!

            A few weeks ago, I wrote about my 102-year-old godmother entering the heart hospital due to respiratory issues.  She was retained for three days for medication and observation.  When she was released, she could not return to independent living and had to be moved to assisted living, requiring 24/7 care.  When I visited her at the hospital, it was hard for me to see her in her present condition.  I have been so used to seeing her moving about on her own, talking satirically, and being so sharp-minded that I couldn’t speak for a few seconds.  I saw a frail, little woman with oxygen tubes gazing into an unknown, unaware that someone was in the room.  I called her name and awakened her from her trance.  She recognized me after a few minutes of conversation.  I felt her pain and concern.

 

            I felt, in my heart, that her desire to leave this world would come true. My wife and I visited her at her new location with her granddaughters. She spoke to us briefly but then nodded off to sleep.  This place was where her body and mind would only stay for a while.

 

            This morning, we were told by her granddaughter that she transitioned last night. April 19, 2024, at 7:30 p.m.  We know that you are at peace, Mother Bennett.  Your pain and suffering are now indescribable and inexpressible joys in heaven, your new home.  We love you and will miss you.  You have made an amazing impact on many people’s lives.

              I believe that Heaven rejoices whenever a family member returns home after their final journey.  And we should do the same even as we mourn the loss.

YouTube Dancing, Old School Style!

            I found a new video on YouTube that got my attention lately.  They aren’t doing anything fancy or particular about it except elderly, black folks swing dancing from the oldies but goldies music from the fifties to the seventies.  They are swinging and twirling more than stepping, but it’s interesting to see great-grandparents and grandparents finding time to recreate memories.  I don’t recognize most of the music.  I tried to use Shazam and Google to identify the artist and song, but neither app recognized the sounds.  Some I did, such as Shotgun by Junior Walker and the All-Stars, Barry White, and Al Green from the seventies.

 

            These old folks, dressed in their finest, put aside their walkers and canes, find new dance partners, and enjoy themselves with their dance moves.  I remember that in my military days, we wore colorful outfits and shoes to match.  According to the video's time, they will dance for at least three hours. I don’t look at them that long, but it may be less than an hour.  I enjoy seeing them gliding and acknowledging friends on the dance floor.  It could be the music my parents played when I was a child that has me fixated on what memories they had.  Or, it could be in my aging process, my memories of when I danced.  Then again, how did people see me on the dance floor when I thought I looked cool and dancing smooth?  It took being under the influence of alcohol to get me on the dance floor.  I needed an excuse to dance.  They didn’t.

 

            They have their own building that they attend to hold various functions and celebrate birthdays. The birthday celebrant wears a sash over their shoulders, and people pin money on it.  The seniors have their DJ, who is attentive to them, calling them by name, giving them shout-outs, and making the people comfortable.  I can only imagine how they feel and long for those days gone by.  Deep down inside, I am drawn to them because I am interested in discovering more about my ancestors in Ancestry and Roots Magic.  I do imagine what they went through during slavery, emancipation, reconstruction, Jim Crow, and even in these present times.  We all need to have pleasant things to think about and press forward.

Good Friday!

            Today is Good Friday. A thousand-something years ago, at this time, Jesus Christ was judged, arrested, beaten, stripped, and crowned with thorns that protruded from his head. He will take a journey carrying his cross, our sins, to be crucified. Give or take a few minutes; he will arrive around 9 a.m. to be hung for about six hours and die around 3 p.m. on the fated Friday. He didn’t want to sacrifice his life for people he didn’t know or love, but Jesus was an obedient son who trusted in his Father.

 

            We all have taken some journeys under fear and doubt, not knowing the outcome. I’m not sure we’d go through with it if we knew. Yet, there are people, including veterans, who have given their lives to save the many. They might be recognized later, but how many are forgotten over time? Those impacted by the trauma probably won’t; they will not take the sacrifice for granted. Have we forgotten what Jesus Christ has done for us?

 

            We all have heard this story, and whether we believe it or not, if this even happened, there’s a feeling that something did. Let’s take a few minutes today to think about our journeys.  Did we make any sacrifices? Were we anxious and afraid? Did we complete the assignment and come out stronger? Are we repeating the experience daily, especially during sleep and quiet times? Don’t take anything for granted; Jesus knew when his time would come, but we don’t. No excuses.