Thanks For Being a Blessing, Cousin!

How do, Cousin?

 

My wife & I ate at this restaurant in Savannah, Ga., some years ago. It was an old, segregated bus station the one co-owner, Mashama Bailey, executive chef, and a black woman, bought. She kept the Colored-Only and White-Only signs up in the restaurant. I’m guessing she kept those signs as reminders of the past and whose hands the restaurant is now in. The picture is a humbling reminder of bad times. Lord knows some of us lived it. It doesn’t look like much has changed except modern technology and progress.  Some attitudes are still fighting for the return of Jim Crow. 

 

            There were some good times in our community, too. I remember how the adults looked out for our young and old neighbors. The community stepped in when a neighbor was ill, didn’t have food, or the children needed clothing. We don’t see this too much in our community now. Times have changed, and we have, too.

 

            I know, Dallas, you’re old school, a part of the community passed down generations ago. My Wife and I are very grateful for your sacrifices for us. After all this wordiness, we wanted to say thank you, Cuz! You are appreciated!

 

May you be blessed on earth and in heaven. We love you.

Family, We Will Always Need Them!

            I admire families that are close in spirit and support each other. I want to think I had that when we were growing up, but now that I’m older, I’m not too sure. Yes, I know my mother and maternal grandmother supported us.  I didn’t see much from my father’s side.  I always thought my paternal grandmother was mean to us, and my cousins were her favorites.  She babysat for our parents while they worked.  I couldn’t wait for my mother to pick us up; that’s how much I had been whenever I was there.  It could have been my perception that my paternal grandmother would punish us at her will.  We couldn’t play rough, overate, got too dirty, played too long with something, and were punished.  I was happy that my maternal grandmother returned and kept us.  I wonder now that it was then that I began to separate myself from my cousins and people in general.

 

            I know I separated myself from my father.  He reminded me of his mother’s attitude.  He would give the other kids in the neighborhood where he caroused money, but nothing to but stern talk to us.  His father was a ladies’ man, like father, like son.  Is that genetic?  Looking back after becoming an adult, I wonder if my maternal grandmother took her discontent out on us.  After all, my father was named after his father.  The point is that this disconnection affected my relationship with people.  I didn’t want to get too close to anyone.  I love my family, but did I love them the way other families loved each other?  Those relationships included brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts.  I became a loner.  I didn’t attend many family functions, such as birthdays, funerals, reunions, or celebrations.  I didn’t get to know them, and they didn’t get to know me.

 

            Now that I am in my seventies, it’s no better.  I am content with the people around me and in my life.  Life goes on.  I have opened up to one of my first cousins, mainly because he never gave up on me.  I respect sincerity and believe he is sincere.  I didn’t give my aunt’s children much to go on since she had moved away when we were young.  I was close to my uncles but not as much with my cousins.  We all tend to be suspicious of the past.  I understand that.  Out of the blue, after so many years, why now try to contact each other?  I used to call my Aunties years ago but lost contact with them after my first marriage.  Over time, life brings changes such as losing loved ones, career changes, moving to new cities, and technological advancements. I also lost some phone numbers along the way.

 

            As mentioned, my first cousin kept me informed and up to date.  When I got the new numbers, I found out that one aunt was going through dementia, and the other had almost forgotten me.  I wanted to reconnect through the latest numbers my cousin gave me.  Their children or grandchildren were suspicious of me, as I would for my mother.  I am grateful that people close to me forgive me.  My nieces and nephews have forgiven me for not being a part of their lives for several years.  I have always been cautious about developing long-term relationships because I didn’t want to mourn or be mourned by those I love.

 

            Looking back, my time at my paternal grandparents' house wasn’t always hard. She did the best they could with several grandchildren in the house simultaneously.  My grandfather worked, and she was the stay-at-home wife.  My grandmother had to keep an eye on us mischievous boys. There were four boys and three girls. We were quite a handful. The girls stayed close to her.  They wanted us to catch butterflies, and we wanted to run.  They would rather play jumping jacks and remain in the house while we played stickball, catch, and race.  We were dirty and stinky, but they stayed clean.  My grandmother didn’t want us hurt and had to be stern.  What would our parents think if they picked us up injured?  I don’t know what my grandmother felt.  She was responsible for six-year-old and younger children.  She had four and plenty of experience raising them.

 

            Parents with children sacrifice their lives for their loved ones.  They suffer through pain, doubts, and fears to do their best to provide for and protect their families.  There are moments of tension and disagreements, some to the point of estrangement.  Some reconciled, some didn’t.  I’ve learned that it is healthy to maintain a unified, supportive family, encouraging and supportive of each other with lots of forgiveness and understanding.  Families require much work, but it’s worth it.  I don’t want to take anything from the fathers who do their utmost for their families. I respect them.  Mothers, I admire.  They will pray and be the glue for the family.  They will give up their careers and all their lives for their husbands and children.  We can’t give up on our families.  We need each other.

Masks, Mandates, and Medicines!

    My wife and I have unfortunately been hit with COVID-19. Despite our best efforts to avoid it over the past few years, I did not wear a mask at church. The following Monday, I noticed the first signs of discomfort as an itchiness developed in my throat. Within a couple of days, my wife began to feel unwell, and her condition deteriorated more rapidly than mine. She has always been incredibly cautious, reminding me to constantly clean and sanitize my hands.  Lysol every surface we touch, especially in public spaces and stores, and take meticulous precautions while traveling. She has been diligent about wiping down frequently touched surfaces, using Lysol, and being mindful about using disposable cups and utensils, when necessary, especially in hotels and traveling.

 

    Reflecting on my careless indiscretion, I truly regret not taking the necessary precautions. However, it's important to note that my wife is brilliant and diligent in staying safe.

 

    To alleviate what I thought was just a summer cold, I took a liquid laxative usually used for colonoscopies, believing it would help. Meanwhile, my wife's condition continued to worsen while I thought I was doing well. We struggled together through the week, and on Monday morning, we sought medical attention at urgent care. It was then confirmed through testing that both of us had contracted COVID-19.

 

    The nurse informed me that I was at the tail end of the virus' effects and prescribed three types of medicine for me to take while also advising me to remain quarantined for a week. I couldn't help but think of a recently transitioned Navy friend who had caught COVID-19 in New York while waiting for their overseas cruise. They were confined to a hotel room, but at least we could be in our home. However, my wife insisted that we each stay in separate bedrooms. Since I started feeling better, I took charge of cooking and caring for her. We made sure to spray and wipe down the house thoroughly.

 

    I noticed that after my testing for COVID-19, the nurse still entered my holding room without a mask.  I asked if she thought of wearing a mask since I was infected.  She looked me in the eye and politely said it was her choice not to wear one. I didn’t ask any mask questions since then. I remember in 2020, mask-wearing and mandates were political bombshells divided by politics.  It appeared as a race issue, but it was mainly the elderly and people who cared about others who wore masks. Masks were used to separate the political parties from each other.  I must mention that women, overall, didn’t have a choice in what to choose that was best for them with their bodies. Political laws decided by law made that decision for them.

 

    It is important to remember the impact of the virus. Many people were hospitalized, intubated, and unfortunately passed away. Initially, there was resistance to mask-wearing and vaccination. The medical community faced challenges in treating the virus and developing effective vaccines. The vaccines were relatively new and were administered to people without prior testing on animals. Covid-19 was a severe and dangerous threat. My wife and I, like many others, took this threat seriously. Over time, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention discovered treatments and medications to combat the virus, much like purchasing a new car after its initial issues had been resolved.

 

    I was prescribed Benzonatate, Tessalon, Mucinex (not the OTC kind), and a six-day pack of pills. The medication was effective. My wife is taking cough syrup, using an inhaler, and pills. My realization of this situation came in the middle of the week.  While my wife and I temporarily lived separately and independently in the same house, I missed her. The love of my life was within reach, but I could not share a physical moment with her. When this thought dawned on me, I realized my responsibility was to care for her. Since I was in better condition than her, I prepared her meals and liquids and left them outside her bedroom door on a table. We maintained our daily morning and evening prayer times over the telephone.  I appreciated her more than ever.  I also learned not to let my guard down. Stay aware.  People may not have ill intentions, but we do not know what they know or intend to do.

Anger Is Painful!

Paul the apostle said, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," indicating that it's okay to feel anger, but it should be channeled into actions that uphold justice and righteousness. He also emphasized the importance of supporting and encouraging one another in our journey towards God's Kingdom rather than tearing each other down.  Some angry behaviors are self-motivated and vengeful.  The angry person’s victory is temporary and has no value or benefit to the person or others.

 

Dr. Charles F. Stanley, the founder of In Touch Ministries and a best-selling author, wrote about how the leaders of the 13 colonies came together against England’s injustices and wrote the Declaration of Independence. This historical document was written out of anger but advocated standing up for what is right and recognizing that all men are equal.  They are “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  It seems like peaceful demonstrations are part of the past, and violence is now accepted from the computer to in-your-face threats to people trying to do their jobs.  Anger rises when we go beyond God’s boundaries, seeking harm, hurt, and destruction instead of finding methods towards peace and obeying God’s Laws and Will. 

 

Our society is a testament to the prevalence of anger. It's all around us. We’re angry about sports, about the perceived mistreatment of our favorite athletes and teams.  We’re angry about whose religion is better.  We’re angry about ourselves and our circumstances.  Politicians are so angry about their parties that work can’t be completed, and even the judges can’t judge.  We’re even angry about the truth.  This widespread anger underscores the need for a deeper understanding of how to manage and channel our emotions in a way that promotes peace and righteousness. 

 

It is straightforward.  Our anger started at a very young age; it began within our families.  The very place where the devil looks to separate us from God’s love.  Satan is out to destroy what God’s love built.  The Garden of Evil is a staunch reminder.  

 

Satan, driven by his selfish desires, cunningly infiltrates a tranquil haven, employing deception and lies to persuade Adam and Eve, who are content and fulfilled, that their current state is insufficient. Through manipulation, the deceiver sets the couple against each other, resulting in the tragic loss of their innate blessings and love, which they must now toil tirelessly, never to return to that peace.  The serpent, willing to endure eternal slithering, triumphs in driving a permanent wedge between God and humanity. The deep-seated resentment between Adam and Eve's sons, Cain and Abel, persists for millennia, leaving a long-lasting legacy of anger and conflict.  We may not be their descendants to inherit this specific trait, but we learned it somewhere in our family tree.

 

Anger is harmful, hurtful, and destructive. Once we cross that line, there is little chance of having another opportunity for a do-over. It’s like losing a very valuable item; once lost, you will never get it back.  You may never recover from this as an excuse.  The behavior is inexcusable.  There is a chance to recover and find ways; plenty of resources can help.  Get them and use them.

 

 

What's The Point?

            We all have our struggles and disappointments.  Sometimes, we felt discouraged enough that some of us were ready to throw in the towel.  But we didn’t.  Troubles and failures seem to overwhelm us emotionally to the point that they make us physically sick.  Sick enough to question if we were the only ones going through these painful sufferings.  Don’t use the words, “Can anything else go wrong?”  Yes, something else can go wrong.  Why does it seem we’re experiencing these fallouts when we should celebrate living?  There are many things we don’t know, especially our future.  We know that if we continue allowing frustration and discouragement to get to us, we will suffer more.  Some of us have channeled these emotional frustrations into anger at everything.  Look around you; feel the bitterness.  We do not realize our anger's impact on the people close to us.  Don’t call it selfish behavior if a person is ignorant.  It’s an excuse for themselves.  In some circles, it’s called denial.  Our anger is used as punishment.  If we’re careless, our self-inflicted punishment will destroy us and everything around us.

 

            As I look back on my life, I’ve been in worse situations, and the world around me is the same world around me now.  Somehow, I made it through by the grace of God and got past it.  Of course, trouble can materialize out of nothing.  I realized that with negative thinking, I can attract negative vibes.  I learned to stay away from negative people and their negative thinking.  Sometimes, we must release so-called friends and journey alone.  Those who are meant for us will also find a way to get together.  No one has said that life is easy, and not even the folks we think have it made.  Everyone has their share of problems, emotionally, financially, physically, mentally, politically, socially, and spiritually.  We are hard to be satisfied with what we have.  It’s never enough or what we expected.  We will always be discouraged and frustrated and will continue to struggle.  Remember that someone else always has it worse than we do.

 

            We should not ask ourselves what the point is; instead, we should ask what we can do about it.  What the end tells me is that what I’m going through is surrendering to the losses and suffering, which has no value in continuing.  It’s giving up on the principles that brought me through the challenges and adversities I fought through in life.  It’s me turning my back on God, who wanted me to trust in Him no matter what I face because He won’t leave me.  Yes, I’m disgusted with the members of Congress, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, nationally and locally.  I’m disappointed in Christians who have forgotten that God loves us all equally and we should love him first and foremost.  I can’t condone people ignoring the wrongs that this country’s politicians are perpetuating.  Nor can I accept the ignorance parents express by allowing their teens to follow social media, carry guns, and commit violent crimes.  I’m frustrated that people want to return to the past when racial inequality was thought to be acceptable in this country and suitable for the oppressed.  I’m disgusted that it’s okay to rewrite history and deny the truth for the sake of some peoples’ children.  It’s apparent from listening to the media, which controls information and misinformation on a grand scale that I am not the only person that feels this way.

 

 I’m told that our anger is secondary; there is an underlying source, but we know there is nothing we can do about that, so our anger is redirected.  These other objects we share our anger with reflect what we are mad about.  For example, I am angry with myself because of the decisions that got me into the wilderness in the first place.  I messed up, and it’s time to fess up.  The world didn’t do this to me.  I did it to myself.  People will always find ways to hate you, dislike you, or put you down and keep you under their will.  We don’t have to take it or stay there.  If we are weak-minded, then we shouldn’t expect any changes.  We must change for our sake.  We will need spiritual help to get it done.

 

            In the grip of our self-inflicted spell, we often fail to acknowledge the multitude of blessings inherent in this process. We must break free from the misguided belief that others or material possessions will rescue us. Our trust is often misplaced, and our focus wavers when emotions overwhelm us. It's imperative to center our thoughts. It's not about us; it's about Jesus. He can achieve so much with so little, as evidenced by multiplying two loaves of bread and five fish. We must believe in His capacity to help us, as He has done in the past and will do again. Despite my realist nature, I must wholeheartedly believe in His support.  Let's ditch this rollercoaster thinking and hop on the transformative thinking track!  We must not let hostile external forces influence our internal positive abilities. Summing up, the point is that we are valuable and will not give in to our adverse environments. Vote!

My Friend’s Prayer To God On Pentecost Sunday 2024!

Hello, Heavenly Father, please help me.  I am undergoing what you already know is a significant problem regarding my family.  Today is Pentecost Sunday, May 19th, my mother-in-law.  She has been here for about a week, minus a few days in the hospital.  My wife Sandy has been tending to her day and night, watching over her.  You already know that.  I need to speak to someone, but you are the Divine Counselor.  I learned on Pentecost Sunday that the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of God.  The fruits of the Holy Spirit are charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control, and chastity.  Holy Father, I am grateful to have learned these gifts promptly.  But you already know that my current problem is finding understanding and counsel.  They seem to clash with my self-control and patience when they involve Sandy.

 

I know it's a lot of the stress from her job that is giving her so much anxiety and depression.   The blame is also on me.  I haven’t helped much this past week with my own complaining and pointing fingers.  I do feel better now that her mother had stent surgery.  We finally got to the source of her pains, heart palpitations.  I know I've told Sandy so many times about enabling her mom.  This time, it got the best of me.  I was very frustrated, fixated, and angry.  I thought my wife was being taken advantage of.  Lord, you know I need somebody to talk to.

 

I believe her mother heard me discussing this concern because Sandy was supposed to take her home on Monday.  We should have done it Saturday, but Sandy said no, her mom wasn’t looking any better.  Her mom decided to go home on Sunday.  Both are picky eaters, and they need food for strength.  None of them have eaten a decent breakfast these days; they feel they don’t need breakfast.  You have been telling me for a while now that having a solid breakfast is good because you never know what an emergency can be. And we won't have time to eat.  They have gotten into that habit but don't see it that way.  You got me through this, Lord.  You were here with me the whole time.  Friday morning, I had to take Sandy to the emergency room for her heart palpitations.  After so many tests and blood draws, she was diagnosed with Pericarditis. Something about some of the skin flaps around the heart had swollen and got infected.  Sandy wasn't healthy enough to help anyone, and both needed recovery time.  And there was no one else that Sandy felt that she could call, not even her mother's sister.

 

I want to thank you, Father, that while we were at the hospital, you cared for her mother by herself here in the house.  I'm glad I did go when you sent me with her to the emergency room because even though we spent six hours at the hospital, Sandy did not eat or drink any liquids.  After all that time, the doctor gave her some oxycodone and some Motrin on an empty stomach.  Sandy wouldn't have been able to drive herself home.  Anyway, I give you all the thanks, O Heavenly Father.  I want to thank you now.  Even though Sandy said she changed her mind and would take her mother home Monday, her mom wanted to leave Sunday.

 

In a way, I feel bad, but Father, I thank you. Because you answered my request for counsel, wisdom, and understanding.  I am to trust in you in all things.  You are in control.  Sandy was going to try to take her after a workday.  They're not breakfast eaters, so Sandy's mother might have heard when I said, Baby, you can't even take care of yourself, and now you're trying to take care of your mom.  She expects you to do this and do that for her.  I'm clashing between wisdom and understanding again with a need for self-control of my tongue and patience.  Father, I don't feel wrong about what I said.  Sandy needs to take care of herself, whether mom heard me or not.  I know you give us all these challenges, and the main thing is that you want us to lean on you and Father, thank you for letting me lean on you this Friday. I was lost. I wanted to call somebody. I wanted to release all this frustration; I could not hold this in.   I know Sandy loves her mom, and I respect that, but the mom had done so much self-pitying that it seemed the only person who would pay her any attention was Sandy.  I would do the same for my mom.  Am I that selfish?

 

Sandy will stop whatever she is doing, take her to the doctor or hospital, and sit with her all day. I told Sandy before all this occurred that 75% of her stress, anxiety, and weight loss is due to her job, 12% is due to her mother, and another 13% is me.  My self-control and mouth clash with patience because I can't hold it in.  Forgive me, Lord; I need your counsel and wisdom. Thank you for letting me have this conversation with you, Father.  You know my weaknesses and my flaws. You are always listening to me.  I feel guilty because her mother is serious this time. 

 

Sandy drops everything when she calls, and it sounds like the little boy who called Wolf.  Now that this woman truly needs her, I don't have any sensitivity or sympathy for her mom. I do now, but I'm more sympathetic to Sandy because of what she's going through now. She once said she wanted to rest today but didn't get any rest.  I am grateful to you for being our father. Whether her mother heard me or not, or whether she decided to stand on her own, she made the right decision to begin her healing process.  I hope Sandy doesn't come home worried because she will have plenty of space to rest, relax, and meditate on you. After all, it's hard to face Monday “fires” after she was off on Friday for the past couple of days to return to her job, and you know it will be all kinds of emails.  There will be missed calls and pressure on this and pressure from that, and it's already stressful enough that she would need at least a night of relaxation.  I need to be thinking about having her something to eat in the mornings. She needs the strength to go through all this.  I must repeat these seven gifts of the Holy Spirit because I need them. I need them.  Wisdom, Oh Lord, you know I need that with understanding.  There's so much that comes under understanding. To me, sympathy and empathy are just being sensitive.

 

The Holy Spirit is the divine counsel we need to fortify my strength in you.  Lord, knowledge, and holiness, I understand that I must always be Christ-like, remembering that you give and take away everything in Sandy and me.  Out of respect and reverence, we should fear You.  You knew us before we were born.  Do I listen to or pay attention to the fruits: charity, joy, peace, and patience?  Charity is love, but that's giving. There is generosity, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and trust in you, Heavenly Father.  Modesty, being humble and self-control who runs their mouth discipline and chastity, but Father, I thank you.  God, I thank you.  I thank you for the lessons you're teaching us and the lessons we're learning.  Thank you, because you have helped me, and it is a relief.  I know Sandy will be at her mom’s house for hours.   Her mom's going to stay temporarily downstairs.  Sandy will make everything accessible for her.  How many people are blessed to have a child like that?  That will take care of her even though her brother, her brother's baby Mama, and her aunt won’t.  It seems they don't care for her except to avoid each other. She doesn’t need to babysit.  She's legally blind.  Her mother also needs to be around people, I think to me, the other problem is loneliness.  Whether she wants to or not mingle with others, I think it’s essential. Father, I thank you for the moments that you've given me with you and Sally, and I appreciate it.  Please help me with my self-control.  Trying to tame this tongue of mine is going to be tough.  I thank you for your grace and blessings, Lord.  I submit my petitions to you with praise and thanksgiving in Jesus’s name.  Amen.

 

Note: My friend was hurting that day.  He’s doing much better after accepting the things he cannot change and reconciling with himself.  He said not with his mother-in-law but reconciling with God and himself.  He also wanted me to share his thoughts on this blog.  I have his permission to do this.

Ephesians 6:12. So Many Versions That Mean The Same Thing!

             I know I’m not the only person looking at these campus protests with many questions that have no answers.  I understand that these elected politicians see what I see.  But where are the police?  I remember the Black Lives Matter protests had more police and white militia that were overlooking them, but where are they on these white college campuses?  Could it be that on these college campuses, the trigger-happy and club-carrying enforcement would confuse the children of the trump supporters as activists vs patriots?  Maybe it’s hard to see the differences in some of the tanned students apart from the supporters is more complicated than all-black supporters.  It could be that orders from higher-ups told them to stand down.  When the BLM tried to explain that outside agitators were the sources of violent protests, no one believed them.  Regarding the recent protests in Gaza, it was found that the students had outside agitators, yet some of the tent cities stayed up. 

 I will say that the Trump supporters are in New York supporting the Head Liar and kissing the ring that they don’t have time to care about what’s happening on the campuses because they are antisemitic until it comes to black deans and presidents leading Ivy League campuses.  They are bold with their biases and don’t care who sees them.  The voting districts have been rigged that these folks will be reelected without trying.  They are obeying people’s agendas who are not their constituents.  Mike Johnson, the current speaker of the House, is an evangelical and one of Trump’s surrogates.  My, my, my.  I guess some folks will sell their souls to the devil no matter what.  He’s not the only one.  Tuberville, Jordan, Comer, Margorie, and Supreme Court Justices Alito and Thomas love the perks.  They must have found the fountain of youth or the secret to immortality.  They seem willing to do whatever it takes to appease their supreme human.  It must be the lifestyle of the rich and famous that has blinded them all.

 

            There is something intrinsically wrong with the politics and leadership of our nation.  Wrong is acceptable and being ignored.  How many people have been convicted of fraud and are now in jail?  Quite a few millionaires are paying for their wrongs, but this former president’s illegal behavior is accepted among his peers.  Rules are written for some people and only followed by some people.  His flunkies believe that he is above the law.  They believe in him more than God.  Incredibly, the Christian evangelicals are supporting his white power scams to divide this nation.  They know this but will accept Trump is power-mad and vindictive.  His Inside agitators are working to disinform, discredit, and deceive the people of this nation into accommodating dictatorship while the true believers stand by and do nothing.  The modern-day KKK is once again using intimidation and fear tactics to frighten the righteous.

 

            When will we learn that greed has no friends?  Money doesn’t discriminate; people do.  Very few politicians are willing to meet in the middle across the aisles.  I have not seen Republican candidates show any interest in people who look like me or care for my interests.  I think that they are afraid to address the truth.  They are not much different from the Democrats, whom I don’t see or hear from until election year.  Family values are disappearing.  This country needs Jesus, but we have too many excuses to ask for His help.  Some of us would instead pray to someone or something else.

 

            We all get caught up in who’s who and who is with or against us.  I am caught up, too.  I forgot that we argue against the spiritual forces of evil and the powers of this dark world we are living in.  They have possessed our weak minds and spirits to turn against each other.  Where we find hate and disagreement, we should look for love and compromise.  Divided, we fall; united, we rise.