Missing You, Mother Bertha Louise Irby!

October 3, 2020 was your transition home, Mother Irby. You left a legacy behind. April talks about you everyday! She can't help it, you left such an impression on her that she still hears you. I know how proud you are of her, you did an outstanding job raising her. I'm grateful that you gave your approval of me. I felt it when you started calling me son-in-law during our dating. We love you and miss you. Thank you for interceding for us.

September 23, 2022 - Happy Anniversary, Babe!

 10 years ago on this exact date, 2012, even very close to the same time, my future wife and I met at a senior citizen home. I knew our meeting was special, but had no idea that this woman was predestined to be my wife. (Reference: "Sunday was Fantastic and I Found Spring in the Fall! On The Elevator Ride That Changed My Life" published September 24, 2012 on this blog). She has helped me to grow spiritually and lovingly. I am grateful that we met. Loving her with the same intensity, I wish her the best and much love on our anniversary!

Who Have We Become?

        I recently started researching my family tree so far, it’s been fascinating and frustrating.  Fascinating, getting glimpses of the past and what my ancestors endured as slaves, sharecroppers and farmers. Frustrating, seeing how they persevered through the injustices, abuse, mistreatment and prejudices to make a better life for their families at the time.  I really doubt that they saw the effects from their sufferings on future generations, for at the moment, it was more important to survive.  I found how so many large families coped with farming buy using family members as help to survive.  I also saw mixing with the owners resulting naming the offspring as mulattoes on the census.  Thus, some family members decided passing as white and others who are actually white.  There were many unkept records and misspelled names that I found as I dug deeper into my ancestral tree.  What should have I expected from people that were not educated and census takers that didn’t care?  In those days, people of color or mixed were not considered equal so why care when and where they were born.  Not many records birth or death records were kept of them.

 

            Research is like solving puzzles with pieces that look similar but doesn’t fit.  Many people, black and white, had the same names but were from so many different regions.  I got elated to find a piece but distracted when that puzzle piece took me to another source and that connection is a disappointment.  What I am finding is that we are all related in some kind of way by even just a little bit of blood.  We all are intertwined; we are all related and denounce our relationships because of race.  Yes, we were taught it and experienced it.  Even now, some of the very people that I descended from may very well be passing because it is a lot easier to bypass the abuse and discrimination set upon people of color.  Why should we all go through this?  Why should anyone go through this?  

 

            Look at our country now and the division it is experiencing.  We are more related than we think but it is hard to see.  What a shame.  We’re better off not knowing each other because it’s easier to fear, destroy and hate what we don’t know.  Recognizing the truth would be an embarrassment to our intelligence.  After all, it’s not where we come from, it’s who we become.

Get Off the Boat!

Come Holy Spirit, in the name of Jesus, reveal to me my thoughts and dreams.  Why did I wake up with Peter on my mind leaving the boat for Jesus?  Was it because he really wanted to do what Jesus is doing by walking on water?  Was it for the thrill of being one of the first to ever have done this?  Historically, Jesus and Peter were the only people to ever have accomplished the “impossible”.  I question what drove Peter, faith or fame?  The more I ask these questions, the more answers I get.  Peter wasn’t seeking fame; he didn’t need it.  He already had a business and extra boats, obviously, he was well known in the area.  I’m thinking with an earthly mind.  Socially, speaking recognition is important in today’s society.  There are so many social network platforms on the internet that have members from multiple networks getting attention and followers.  No fame, wasn’t it, fame can be temporary.  Hero to zero can happen in seconds.

 

            To me, staying on the boat is comfort, safe and secure.  Why leave a place of stability and familiarity?  The boat has certainty, it floats, it was built to hold itself together and could be steered to its destination fairly well even during storms.  It was a shelter against storms.  Why get out into the unknown, especially, if it hadn’t been done before?  Since Peter confirmed that it was Jesus and received the invitation to come with him, was it that call that Peter put aside his fears?  We all know that he was a fisherman, he wasn’t afraid of water and turbulent seas, he was experienced and respectful of rough seas.  Yet, he was willing to jeopardize his life and fishing business to walk on water with Jesus.  I need a revelation.  What are you telling me Holy Spirit?

 

            I think since Peter witnessed Jesus’ miracles, he wanted to be a part of it, to feel it.  Peter could be foolish, but he wasn’t a fool.  When he caught nothing the whole night and was tired, he listened to Jesus and placed his nets in deeper water (Luke 5:4-11).  When Peter obeyed, it took his and another boat to get the fish to shore.  He just witnessed the feeding of thousands, with only 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread (Matthew 14:16-21).  Peter could act irrational and be quick tempered, but not a fool.  Peter believed that if Jesus told him to walk on water, he could and he did.  Peter’s faith at that moment was unquestionable as he walked on water towards Jesus.  How much faith do I have when I have witnessed miracles in my own life and cried out when things didn’t change in my favor when I wanted them to?  How strong is faith until tested by distractions? 

 

            When Peter took his eyes off Jesus and saw the waves driven by the strong wind reaching his knees, he panicked.  He stopped believing and started to sink.  He saw a threat and cried out for help from Jesus and received it from a waiting hand. Although Peter was lovingly reprimanded for his loss of faith and doubt (Matthew 14:22-32), Jesus still cared.  He knows our weaknesses, always forgiving us and waiting patiently for us to take the risk to believe in Him.  What if the odds are against us?  Would we be willing to step out in faith?  Of course, we are safe if we stay in the boat, but what if something happens to the boat?  Are we experienced swimmers or water walkers?  Can we handle unforeseen situations?

 

Even though my petition went full circle of leaving the boat, I get it now.  Faith is taking a risk, believing in something unseen but hoping that it will accomplish what it was set out to do.  Risk taking can be costly, it’s stepping into an unknown space an unfamiliar territory, possibly a dangerous but rewarding place.  We won’t know if we don’t try.  The unknown can be on so many levels.  We take vacations, fly, drive, ride, shop, run walk, we don’t know the future or the possibilities if we stay on the boat and become complacent.  I’m not sure if I would be any different than Peter.  I’m not sure if I would even be in that situation.  I do know that I pray for divine help when I’m afraid and anxious.  I do know that Peter got out of that boat and faced his fears head on.  Peter have been known to have said some foolish things but at that time he did not display any foolish behavior.  He knew that it was Jesus in the water with him.  Peter was a devout Jew who studied the scriptures.  He might have remembered God’s Words to Joshua “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).  Was this proof?  When all was said and done, they evidently got back into the boat (Matthew 14: 32).

 

Epilogue

 

This evening, the dilemma with the “Boat” was clarified.  While sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, I noticed a woman weeping.  A nurse was handing her a box of tissues and sitting next to her.  I thought to myself that I should pray for her, a stranger and a sister in Christ.  My wife and I pray to be blessings to others as God would have us do.  I thought it to be easier to pray for someone who doesn’t see me but to believe that I could be a help in a spiritual way.  As I started to pray, I remembered my “Get Out of the Boat” dream.  It seemed that I was literally being called out of my comfort zone and walk the distance to them.  The Spirit kept repeating to me “Where two or more or gathered in my name…Matthew18:20”.  I had to get off the boat and walk in faith.  I heard that peaceful, quiet voice that told me “I will tell you what to pray, I will go with you.”  I was having a Holy Moment and truly afraid of being rejected, leaving my comfort zone and doing something I have never done in my life.  I am not a people person; I have trust issues.  I think I am alright where I am.  I even felt like Moses, why should he go speak to Pharoah, can’t someone else replace me?  

 

            I was shaking and tears began to fall from my eyes.  I was fighting against a voice that I knew was telling me to “walk over there”, that’s your water.  I tried to find excuses but I could not find any comfort in staying where I was.  I was hoping that the nurse would leave but she didn’t, and I had to move.

 

            I grabbed my book bag, got up and walked over there.  I acknowledged them both but looked at the weeping woman and asked if I could pray for her.  I told her that I have never done this in my life but was led by the Holy Spirit to pray for her.  I prayed for Emily and during the entire time, I could not stop sobbing.  I don’t remember a thing said except lift the burden.  I gave her God’s blessing and left.  When I returned to my seat.  I realized that I got the revelation that I prayed for.  Peter might have been afraid but he was confident and faithful enough to get off the boat.  Seems to me that he believed and loved Jesus with all his heart, mind and soul.

 

To God, I give the glory and thanksgiving.

July 15, 2015 - July 15, 2022 - 7 Years!

It's hard to believe how fast time flies, but as we get older, we'll soon find out. We visited Tia last week and she resembles you so much. She has a mixture of Beverly and you in the face and form. Her anxiety seems to run in the family, she can't be still. Michael is a wonderful son-in-law. He seems to be very devoted, but he can't stop her when she has her mind made up on something. Even recuperting, she can't rest. I'm sure she tries but, like me, it's hard to stay still. The children have all grown up. The baby graduated from high school in May.

Teria has started an online business, My Oh Mai Bawdy, skincare products for men and women.  The website address is:  https://myohmaibawdy.com She's a hard worker. I need to touch bases with Devin. You know he looks like you.

We had our differences but I miss you. I love you, Austin. I miss you and mom. Keep praying for us. The world is changing rapidly, too fast to catch up.

Miss You, Sis!

 4 years have gone by fast, but I miss you everyday! Love you, JB2!

Happy Birthday, Robert Beck!

 Your wife, Carolyn, surely misses you. We all miss you.  Rest in Peace, Rob. Love always.