Warfare Between the Flesh and the Spirit!

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, everyone! I've reached a point where my actions no longer make sense, even to me. Each morning, I make it a habit to read my Bible and other spiritual teachings. Last week, I began exploring the Holy Spirit, who is part of the Holy Trinity. I understand enough not to overstep the mystery of the three in One, but I was eager to learn more about the Spirit’s nature. For the past two weeks, I've been praying to be guided by the Spirit, who hears and intercedes for our salvation. However, this week, I’ve hit a bit of a spiritual wall that’s left me feeling puzzled about my thoughts and actions.

I'm generally a very organized person, but I am rigid at times. I hadn't realized how challenging it can be when things don't go as planned or don't align with my expectations. Recently, I had to accept two rescheduled appointments, even though I wasn't excited about it. I also tried replanting my vegetables, which was a bit stressful and almost damaged them. I was a little disappointed because, despite growing nicely and producing fruit, the veggies had outgrown their containers. I even considered spraying pesticides to protect them from pests, but I wanted to keep them organic. I looked for safe homemade remedies to deal with the mites or bugs, but I couldn't find any that worked.

I’m not finished yet. I took my car in for an oil change, and anyone who's ever been through the process of visiting an auto repair shop knows that preventative maintenance can sometimes be more complicated than expected. I left my vehicle at the shop for the first time in years because my wife and I had an appointment to attend. I was hoping the car would be ready when we returned in a few hours. Instead, I received a text from the service department informing me that they had found a leak in the power steering line and would contact my insurance company to determine if it was covered under warranty. In the past, I have not encountered any issues. After some time, the agent texted that the claim was denied.

I went home and searched for my contract, but I couldn’t find it. I then tried to download it online, but that didn’t work either. So, I called the company, and they informed me that they were experiencing issues with their computers and couldn’t open any documents. They did mention they had received a request from the dealership, but I was puzzled as to why the request was denied when no one could review the documents. They couldn’t explain it. It made me wonder if it would be easier to tell the agent that the computers are down and to call back later. I was also thinking about where the honest, reliable workers are in this business. Are you following me so far? To add to the frustration, my wife kindly took me to the dealership to pick up my car, even though I was planning to return it after the weekend once I contacted the warranty company. I wanted the service agent to show me where I might need to refill the power steering fluid. When we looked under the hood, I noticed that the container wasn’t even secured—an easy fix, but it just didn’t seem right. I don’t want to drive anything loose, especially in the engine, on these busy roads. So, I decided to leave the car there—it was enough for one day. I didn’t take it off searching for part numbers, the service department did.

My dear wife wasn’t spared from my anxiety, and she often endured my struggles. We went for a walk on Saturday morning, though not together. I was wrestling with the inner conflict between my flesh and the Spirit. During that walk, the truth became clear—I wasn’t aligning my will with God's. My frustration and anxiety showed that I was hoping God’s Will would match mine. Sometimes I wonder, who do I think I am? I asked to learn about the Spirit, but I was still expecting everything to happen my way. No wonder I felt so frustrated and exhausted. My mind has been resisting the Spirit, and I’ve broken many spiritual laws—so many that it would take pages to list them all. I have a good, loving woman who does not deserve this type of behavior from me. The walk was my wife’s idea to get me out of the house. By the time we returned, her stomach was upset because of me.

As I continue to grow spiritually, I understand the importance of disciplining myself to live fully in the spirit and surrender my mind to that spiritual guidance. Currently, I find myself in a challenging situation with my wife, having made a mistake that I deeply regret. I am grateful that God's grace is giving me another chance to do better. I want to focus my thoughts on what is above, rather than on earthly concerns. Truly, I need to transform my mind to align with what is spiritual and avoid being shaped by worldly thoughts. I will continue praying for the Holy Spirit to lead me.