Some Words For Our Children!

I appreciate attending my wife’s church for several reasons. We attend together, and I take pleasure in witnessing her devotion as she praises and thanks God. This experience became familiar during our courtship, particularly when we participated in the Woman, Thou Art Loose events organized by Bishop T. D. Jakes. Furthermore, I found it remarkable to observe the congregants, filled with the Holy Spirit, dancing and rejoicing during the praise music. Given my lifelong affiliation as a Catholic, this experience contrasts significantly with my attendance at Mass. 

Additionally, the music and singing from the Praise Team are exceptional. The highlight of the service is the inspiring sermon delivered by the church’s bishop, with whom I find a strong connection in his topics. When we leave, I repeat his message throughout the week. Including Jesus in daily operations helps me to complete my assignments without frustration and anxiety.

I observed the interaction between two young men who were seated in front of us. They appeared to be brothers, with one being significantly larger than the other and seemingly younger. Upon their arrival in the row, the older brother gestured for the younger one to take his seat first, resulting in the younger individual occupying a position with an empty seat between them. I immediately discerned that the son had accompanied his father to the church. I was particularly impressed to witness a father who is actively involved in his son’s life. Given the prevailing negative narratives surrounding absent fathers and unruly teenagers, I found this sight encouraging. When the father gently nudged his son to accompany him towards the altar call, it served as further confirmation of their bond. What was particularly remarkable was the son’s immediate obedience. This was truly a fantastic moment. I didn’t see any disdain or hear any backtalk.

I later wondered what this father would write to his son if he could during his last moments? 

“Baby boy, when you were born, I held you in one hand. You were so tiny and vulnerable. You just stared at me when I picked you up as if you knew me. You became still when I started speaking. I was expressing my sincere appreciation and love for you and assured you that I will do everything in my power to protect and provide for you and your mother. There’s a lot to talk about, and if the Lord Wills, I hope to speak with you about it in phases. Right now, you’re too young to understand, but as you grow older, you’ll be able to understand me better. The main lesson will begin now. Your baptism into knowing God is next month. You are my offering and thanksgiving. 

Look at you now, at four months old. I see you are starting to look a little like me, but you have your mom’s eyes. So, your first words were 'Mama' and ‘no, son.’ I’m not surprised. Your mom talks to you whenever she gets a chance. It seems that all I do is change your diapers, strap you in your car seat, and give you a quick kiss on the forehead when I leave and return from work. I do get to hold you at church so your mom can get some rest. We watch the games together, but most of the time, you’re sleeping. I still talk to you, but you were always reaching for Mama. I like that. Man to little man, your mother is always to be respected and cared for, no matter how old you get. She will be your anchor and source of stability as you grow older. Always listen to her. 

I hope to always be there for you. Being Black in America comes with disadvantages and roadblocks, as some systems are designed to discourage and slow the pursuit of opportunities and freedoms. Many men who look like me have been hurt or jailed simply because of the color of our skin. You’re looking at me with curiosity, but in time, you will understand how much I love you and want the very best life has to offer you.

Well, well, son. You have now conquered peeing in your diapers and are completely potty-trained. You took about six months, while your sister learned in half that time. That is no problem. You will soon have to overcome the bed-wetting issue.

Regarding your sister, Joy, I want to remind you that she’s older and has a lot of wisdom to share. She might give you advice because she understands our family dynamics. If she happens to hit you, remember not to hit back. You can always block her punches, but showing her respect is essential, even if your opinions differ. Try practicing this now! As you grow older and enter your relationships with women, keep this in mind: no matter how upset you might feel, it’s essential never to use your hands against a woman. I want to take you with me when we work in the yard. I want you to learn from me about a man’s responsibilities. I was hoping you could ask questions that are on your mind. Any questions that you might have will not be silly.

Jonathan, I am so glad to be here to video your first steps. You seem to be listening to every word everybody says. I did hear you say no to Joy when she told you not to climb on the end table. She’s just looking out for you. Yes, I did spank you, but not for that. You don’t talk back to your mama. That’s why I tapped you. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I am not into parents feeling that it’s cute when babies talk back. Don’t start bad habits and don’t keep them. I don’t want to visit you in jail or at the grave for being disobedient and following the trends.

How was your first day at kindergarten, Jon? Don’t let your classmates get you into trouble by following them around. You are your own man. Some of them will try to get into your head and call you names if you don’t follow along with them. Would you rather deal with them or me? Your family will not steer you wrong. Don’t embarrass the family’s name. Well, I didn’t get much sleep when your sister started her first day in school. It did prepare me for you. I trust you two, you’re my heart and soul. I only want the best for you. So, trust me. Please don’t create a problem for yourself; ask me anything that is on your mind. If I don’t have an answer, I’ll find someone who does.

Wow! Time truly flies! Look at you, all grown up! Throughout the years, your mother and I have admired yours and Joy’s dedication and commitment to your futures. You've earned your doctorate in engineering and risen to the rank of Captain in the Navy. You and Denise have blessed us with two beautiful grandchildren, and I couldn't be prouder of you, son. Joy is a Medical Doctor practicing pediatrics. You both have guided your families on the wonderful path to God, setting a beautiful example of what it means to serve God. I’m so grateful to have seen our family flourish. Your mother and I thank Him every day for the amazing individuals you and Joy have become. I have loved you with all of my heart, even during our differences.”

Is this something like what that young father told his son? I will never know. I would say this and more with my own.