I know you’re surprised to hear from me. Today is our mother’s birthday and it is always special to me. She would have been 93 today. I can feel myself being in a joyful and sorrowful mood at the same time. It could also be the cause of this letter. I remember how she raised my brother and me with the help of her mother when my father decided to pursue a life of his own. Do I hold him responsible for my own life? Maybe. Even though I hold myself accountable for my own actions, I truly believe if he was still involved with us, I would have made a decision to make the military my career and wouldn’t have resigned my commission. If you’re thinking that I could have made that decision on my own you’re right. But I wanted to hear from him, he was supposed to be an authority in our home, and because I followed in his footsteps by joining the Navy.
It’s hard to raise a family as a single parent without issues, I can only imagine if there are difficulties that are constantly in the way day in and day out. What a burden it is. Children did not ask to be born but are here and alive. Some are products of love and some, are mistakes. They still need to know that there are people that they can count on. Especially, when they need advice and support. Otherwise, failure, depression, and anxiety could cause them undue pressure later in life. Perhaps, I’m feeling melancholy because of today, but suppressing emotions can be a time bomb.
Whatever we may feel about our spouses, there is never a need to abuse them in any method. I have had so many failures in my life when there were times when giving up was the best escape. I failed at some careers, relationships, and goals and received so many denials that it was easier to call it quits with life. Who should I have blamed? Nobody. We man up and hold ourselves accountable. Only some things will go our way. We fall down but by the grace of God, we get back up. That was a decision that I made that day, to get back up. Why be another statistic when I can prove to myself, not to anyone else, that I will survive, not on my own, but with God, I can be better today than yesterday.
Starting alone all over again is expensive after investing so much together in a family. My father after so many years of our lives in his later years actually expected my mother to take him back in. It was no surprise that she didn’t. The children were now adults with their own families. He found a place in the neighborhood near my uncle and transitioned in a few years. He transitioned alone.
I wondered what my brother would have said to you and what his reaction would be. He had a temper in his younger days. He would have mellowed out. You have your life to live but pray for a peaceful one where the conscious won’t remind you every day that was it truly worth it. When one out of two marries for love and the other for lust, there is never a bond in the first place. I do have a humble request. Help your estranged family out, maintain contact, stay in the child’s life and if not wanted, be near, protect, and show love. You had a part in creating your child and cannot renounce a proof of beauty.
No longer a child, I can look back and remember how blessed we were to have a mother we had who loved us and made sacrifices for us. As a parent, I would like to be remembered the same way. I want you to know that if my brother loved you, I wish the best for you, and have no animosity towards you. Live the life you were meant to live and have no regrets or remorse for the decisions you make. Don’t look for any excuses, live with the choices you make. I wish you well. May God bless you and keep you.
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