What Have I Been Doing?

    Over the years since losing my loved ones, family and friends, and being diagnosed with PTSD, I’ve been hesitant to submit entries to this blog. I did not seem to have the energy to type anything other than Happy Birthdays and Rest in Peace Titles. The subjects portrayed emptiness, depression, and some anxieties I felt within myself.  For me, the future during this time was depressing, the same as the news. Giving my opinion in the early days, released some stress and I felt better afterward. I wasn’t concerned if anybody ever read it, or if anyone cared. I was relieved to get the negativity out of me. Still, I have been lazy and complacent, I lost myself in my emotions. This is my excuse, for now.  Excuses, do not hold up for long, they will be exposed later. I’d rather expose mine now.

 

    In this age of social media and technology, I felt my age and that the world was changing before my eyes. Facebook, Snapchat, YouTube, and the like surrounded me with content and the risk-takers who were jeopardizing their lives and others to get subscriptions and likes. I was never a fan of therapists who on old TV shows picked their subject’s minds making them feel less than.  I stereotyped all “shrinks” as manipulators until I started attending sessions. Now I look forward to the sessions.  I’m with a great group of veterans who suffered and gone through similar situations and who understood and respectfully agreed to disagree on many topics we shared and we all knew that what was said and heard would be kept confidential. I must give a shout-out to the therapists who assists us, they were always there for us and never gave up on us.  The few we have with us are overwhelmed by the increasing numbers but we have never heard them complain about carrying the extra burdens.  Where are our elected officials who say they care for the veterans during an election year but never do anything to help us?  We have to beg and plead for compensation, benefits, and housing and still get turned down, but they will support the Department of Defense for more killing materials.  I wonder if they really cheer for the home team in private.

 

    I must regain the same excitement that started me on this journey.  I wanted to record my thoughts then and I still want to continue.  It doesn’t matter if journaling is a gift or talent, I pray that this will be a platform to relay positive and honest messages.  I hope to use this platform to share experiences and opinions with the reader.  I’ll leave the past behind and move forward. I will leave these old experiences at the altar. I look forward to this redemption.