Not By Proxy, Go To The Source!

            Sometimes, conflicts can arise within families, even on days when everything seems to be going well. For instance, a sibling may share unsubstantiated rumors that can quickly ruin your good mood, leaving you feeling frustrated and curious about the source of the information. This situation can put you on edge, making you cautious about showing too much joy around others. Unfortunately, there are always those who seek to cause trouble and distract people from enjoying their day. Currently, dividing families seems to be a top priority for these troublemakers.  Nevertheless, we should pray to have the discernment and wisdom to know that a house that is divided, will fall.  Life is too short and we tend to wait until things cool off and go away but life doesn’t always go our way.  Many times, it’s too late and we didn’t get the chance to apologize.

 

Strife can arise from unexpected sources, including family, friends, and co-workers. Even minor issues can quickly escalate, causing emotional turmoil. It's especially difficult when those closest to us misunderstand or jump to conclusions without seeking clarification from the source of the confusion. Some of us struggle with admitting fault or appearing vulnerable, which only allows negative emotions to fester and can lead to lifelong grudges. However, it's important to consider whether a simple conversation could resolve the misunderstanding before it's too late. Let's not allow pride and stubbornness to stand in the way of reconciliation. It's possible that the confusion stemmed from hearsay and could be easily cleared up with open communication.

 

I prefer to ask questions rather than make assumptions. I believe in keeping things simple. If I have done all that I can and the other party is unwilling to compromise, I move on without feeling like I wasted any energy. It only becomes a waste of energy if I keep trying to convince someone who is unwavering in their beliefs. I personally ask the questions myself instead of sending someone else to do it for me. I believe a third party could potentially miss important details that could help clear up any misunderstandings. That's why I ask questions when necessary.

 

It's common for family disagreements to spread to other households and even the larger community, causing division and seeking allies. However, it's important to stay calm and find a peaceful resolution to avoid a bad situation. Though it's easier said than done, it's important to learn from experience and realize that negative emotions can drain our energy and shorten our time. We all have value and meaning, and it's difficult to make clear decisions when we're in a heightened state. We are stronger united, not divided.

Love is!

Love is a versatile word that can function as an adjective, adverb, verb, or noun. It embodies various forms of emotions and intangible qualities such as empathy, faithful, honesty, kindness, trust, and compassion. Love is hard to define and express in words, as it can mean different things to different people. It is a forgiving, patient, merciful, graceful, accepting, joyful, and peaceful feeling that fills the heart of those who experience it. Those who have experienced it can testify to its transformative power, while those who haven't may not fully understand it. Love is God, who is the source of all love. In times of difficulty, God can help us overcome our challenges and lead us to a more fulfilling life. However, it is important to note that love starts from within ourselves, and we must love ourselves before we can love others.  If anything, my situation was due to a lack of love.  I didn’t love myself; I didn’t fool myself into thinking I could see it in anyone.  What would I expect to find?  

 

In my childhood, my family was affectionate and caring, and we were not shy about expressing our love for one another. However, after our parents' divorce, my siblings and I lost faith in love. We began to view love and life as fleeting and temporary, and we became wary of giving ourselves to others. We witnessed our mother's struggles, and despite her forgiving nature, she could not shield us from the harsh realities of the world. She always reminded us of her love and desire for our well-being but also cautioned us against disobedience. As young black men, we knew that the world could be unforgiving, and that little had changed even though we were growing up in the 50s and 60s.

 

Love was a unicorn to me, a mythical creature that someone might see once in a lifetime, but not everyone will see it.  I even had a woman who told me that she never grew up with love in her home, and that’s her reason for not being loving.  I wasn’t searching for it, it showed up one day in the form of a petite, spiritual woman who wanted me to pass kindness forward.  I was leaving my 91-year-old godmother’s apartment at the time and this small, slender, young woman was holding the elevator for me.  I said thanks, but I’ll take the stairs.  I didn’t want to be accused of anything since there wasn’t anyone else but us.  She said okay but the elevator was fast and she was downstairs by the door, which she was holding.  I mentioned that she was very kind, holding the elevator, and now the door.  She said that I should do kind acts for others, and pay it forward.  After 10 years of being married to that sweet, young thing, I truly feel what love is about.  Yes, she’s still spiritual and I have become the same.  My perspective of love has deepened because of it.  I see God in her and she sees God in everyone.  I’m a complicated person, I don’t want many friends and I’m comfortable being alone.  But since she has been in my life, it’s hard for me not to have her around me at all times.  She has been my counselor, caregiver, confidante, accountant, and lifesaver.  She was undoubtedly a divine gift.  I’m not boasting, I’m grateful.  I’ve been used and played.  But, every now and then, we get blessed more than we can imagine.

In God We Trusted!

 

On all American currency, from coins to paper money, you will find the phrase "In God We Trust." This idea was first proposed during the Civil War when even political enemies agreed that God was important to the country. In 1955, President Dwight Eisenhower endorsed a law passed by the 84th Congress to have the phrase on all American cash. The following year, Congress passed another law, with Eisenhower's signature, declaring "In God We Trust" to be America's motto. I recently learned that April 22nd is recognized as "In God We Trust Day," although it is not a national holiday and is not widely publicized.  It may be considered alongside other religious holidays that have become more commercialized than revered, such as National Prayer Day, Easter, Christmas, and the like.  We might have trusted in God, but at some point, we stopped.  At one time, we may have had faith in God, but we eventually lost it.

 

I've noticed that there is low attendance in churches, and pastors seem to be more focused on building grand structures for their legacies. Many are afraid to speak out against injustices and share Jesus' teachings. Are the churches complicit in silence to these injustices that surround them?  Do they actually want to see the dividers doing and saying what they always wanted to do?  Is this the way the churches expose their bigotry hiding behind those that are?  Despite being the shepherds of the church, they avoid getting their hands dirty and fear losing members or financial support. It seems like they prioritize pleasing their congregation over obeying God. Sadly, some Evangelists and hidden Christians choose to follow extremist beliefs and exclude certain individuals instead of welcoming everyone into their churches.  I suppose another name for these “Fake Christians” is Hypocrites.  They love doctrine but not people.  We’re not asking for role models.  We all are works in progress.  Let’s be adults to address the elephant in the room.  There are several fears and doubts that are troubling, fear of reprisals is near the top of the list, and somewhere in there, being discovered that they are wearing masks and not at all who they appear to be.

 

There is a division in some churches regarding the inclusion of women as pastors.  However, it is important to acknowledge women's valuable contributions to a growing church, supporting prophets and apostles throughout history.  If women are considered sinners, then so are men.  We are all flawed.  Despite progress in some areas, women still face barriers to holding leadership positions in the workplace, home, and church.  If we only rely on men to do the Lord's work, we risk repeating the decline of our nation.

 

Do we still hold onto our faith in God outside of the church? I believe we can but life has taught us some hard lessons.  Money seems to be the driving force behind everything, as it provides satisfaction and cures all evils.  However, it can also turn a person cold-hearted, unforgiving, and cynical.  We allow our emotions to manipulate how we worship.  Despite being human, we still trust inanimate objects; idols.  When will we realize our mistakes and trust God?  Have we gotten too comfortable in our devious, hateful ways? John the Baptist preached about repentance, but that might sound too weak for some people.  We find any kind of excuse for our actions and loyalties.  Life is tough, but we must have faith in God's plan for us.  The sooner we align our will with Him, the sooner we will see His plan fulfilled.  Loving our neighbor is very hard to do when we don’t love ourselves.

Tolerance, Tolerate or Both? Is There A Balance?

Merriam-Webster explains that there is a distinction between the two words.  "Tolerate" is a verb that indicates an action, meaning either to allow without hindrance or to put up with.  "Tolerance" is a noun referring to the ability to endure hardship or pain, as well as the act of allowing something or showing sympathy for beliefs or practices that differ from one's own.

 

I have noticed that some people express a low tolerance for foolishness and incompetence, and I can relate to that sentiment. However, I have come to realize that others may feel the same way about me. We all make mistakes and have to learn from others. When someone struggles to complete a simple task, I can sometimes become impatient. However, I realize they may be dealing with challenges that I am unaware of or don't understand. I may even be the one preventing them from learning. 

 

I understand that I can come across as harsh or arrogant. I may use unnecessary language and my approach may be intimidating. I acknowledge that I may have a biased mindset and that others may be tolerating my behavior. To improve, I try to put myself in their shoes and treat them with dignity and respect. After all, I would want others to treat me the same way, regardless of our differences in color, beliefs, lifestyles, and social standings.  The question remains if we are all imperfect, why are we still intolerant in the 21^st century?  Is this truly a question for some or a problem for others?

 

As we live together, we choose to tolerate certain things in the name of peace and compromise. For example, I tolerate my wife's cooking and she tolerates my snoring. We also tolerate our children's music and our neighbor's barking dogs, but there may come a point where we can no longer handle the discomfort. In those situations, we may have to reconsider the investments we've made over the years. Sometimes it's easy to forget the value of forgiveness and mercy, especially when we've faced judgment from others and felt like second-class citizens.  How can we overcome our selfish tendencies and embrace acceptance, even if it requires enduring economic difficulties?

Struggles and Conflicts!

Everyone faces struggles, whether they are internal or external, big or small, pleasant or unpleasant. Conflicts can arise anywhere, from the classroom to the workplace, from hospitals to families, and beyond. They usually begin in uncomfortable situations when someone disagrees with you in some way. I have seen conflicts arise due to differences in appearance, competition, intelligence, skin color, religion, and politics. Most conflicts arise due to a lack of honesty, humility, and direct communication. These are the foundations for understanding and finding peace. Some people prefer to talk to others about their problems rather than addressing them directly. However, this approach can cause more harm than good, leading to disruption, distraction, and stress for everyone involved.

 

Struggles and conflicts affect everyone, from the powerful to the poor, except for the dead. If left unresolved, they can cause mental, social, physical, and spiritual harm. Conflicts can destroy a person's well-being and happiness, leading to regrettable actions and outcomes. It is important to avoid pride and control our emotions in order to maintain balance and avoid negative consequences. The tongue has the power of life and death, and we should use it wisely. 

 

When we face challenges, we may turn to God for help. Sometimes, it may seem like our prayers go unanswered, but we should not interpret this as punishment. God is loving and wants to help us, even in difficult situations. It is up to us to take responsibility for our actions and seek guidance and support from God. Life is full of ups and downs, and it is up to each person to handle them with mercy and grace.

What Have I Been Doing?

    Over the years since losing my loved ones, family and friends, and being diagnosed with PTSD, I’ve been hesitant to submit entries to this blog. I did not seem to have the energy to type anything other than Happy Birthdays and Rest in Peace Titles. The subjects portrayed emptiness, depression, and some anxieties I felt within myself.  For me, the future during this time was depressing, the same as the news. Giving my opinion in the early days, released some stress and I felt better afterward. I wasn’t concerned if anybody ever read it, or if anyone cared. I was relieved to get the negativity out of me. Still, I have been lazy and complacent, I lost myself in my emotions. This is my excuse, for now.  Excuses, do not hold up for long, they will be exposed later. I’d rather expose mine now.

 

    In this age of social media and technology, I felt my age and that the world was changing before my eyes. Facebook, Snapchat, YouTube, and the like surrounded me with content and the risk-takers who were jeopardizing their lives and others to get subscriptions and likes. I was never a fan of therapists who on old TV shows picked their subject’s minds making them feel less than.  I stereotyped all “shrinks” as manipulators until I started attending sessions. Now I look forward to the sessions.  I’m with a great group of veterans who suffered and gone through similar situations and who understood and respectfully agreed to disagree on many topics we shared and we all knew that what was said and heard would be kept confidential. I must give a shout-out to the therapists who assists us, they were always there for us and never gave up on us.  The few we have with us are overwhelmed by the increasing numbers but we have never heard them complain about carrying the extra burdens.  Where are our elected officials who say they care for the veterans during an election year but never do anything to help us?  We have to beg and plead for compensation, benefits, and housing and still get turned down, but they will support the Department of Defense for more killing materials.  I wonder if they really cheer for the home team in private.

 

    I must regain the same excitement that started me on this journey.  I wanted to record my thoughts then and I still want to continue.  It doesn’t matter if journaling is a gift or talent, I pray that this will be a platform to relay positive and honest messages.  I hope to use this platform to share experiences and opinions with the reader.  I’ll leave the past behind and move forward. I will leave these old experiences at the altar. I look forward to this redemption.