Button Pushing

Now that we are all clear on this, let’s move forward. We all know how some women like to push our buttons to see how far they can go and how much we can take. You’re not going to win the argument unless you are 150% sure that you are correct. And you’re still can’t be sure the outcome will be in your favor. None of us are perfect but some of us look for perfection in our mates. We can’t accept the fact that we are not perfect. This is a weakness that must be dealt with immediately. Hopefully, both of you are able to speak with maturity in this area. More importantly, if you both can come to terms and realize that love brought you together and honesty, trust and forgiveness will keep you, hold on! You both are blessed! Just don’t base the love for sex or good looks, in time, that will change. The tidal waves of contention will separate you without a thought. Don't regret your good thing! Keep in mind that the only thing that you will agree on that you will have disagreements.

More Resources on Abuse

MORE RESOURCES (The numbers and/or addresses might have changed but it is a start)
© Copyright 2005 American Psychiatric Association

American Psychiatric Association (APA) 703-907-7300
http://www.healthyminds.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY)
http://www.ndvh.org/

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 303-839-1852
http://www.ncadv.org/

National Network to End Domestic Violence202-543-5566
http://www.nnedv.org/

The Family Violence Prevention Fund 415-252-8900
http://www.endabuse.org/

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence 800-537-2238
http://www.nrcdv.org/

The Battered Women’s Justice Project 800-903-0111
http://www.bwip.org/

The Domestic Violence and Mental Health Policy Initiative 312-726-7020
http://www.dvmhpi.org/

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) 800-656-HOPE
http://www.rainn.org/

If You Are Abused

WHAT YOU CAN DO IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED

While you cannot stop your partner’s abuse—only he or she can do that—you can find help and support for yourself.

• Talk with someone you trust: a friend or relative, a neighbor, coworker or religious or spiritual advisor.
• Tell your physician, nurse, psychiatrist or therapist about the abuse.
• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline [1-800-799-SAFE (7233)], your state domestic violence coalition, and/or a local domestic violence agency.
• Call the police if you are in danger. Remember, you know your situation better than anyone else.
• Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you.
  

Domestic Violence

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
© Copyright 2005 American Psychiatric Association

SOME EARLY SIGNS OF ABUSE:

• Quick whirlwind romance.
• Wanting to be with you all the time; tracking what you’re doing and who you’re with.
• Jealousy at any perceived attention to or from others.
• Attempts to isolate you in the guise of loving behavior.
• Hypersensitivity to perceived slights.
• Quick to blame others for the abuse Pressures you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with.

2004 Domestic Violence Facts

More facts on Domestic Violence in South Carolina. It's 2004 data, but that's all I cound find at this time. Hopefully, you'll get the message. If they don't want you, leave them alone.

• In 2004, 15,607 people reported being a victim of a domestic incident. (1)
• Females accounted for 82.8% of the reported victims and males accounted for 17.3% of the reported victims. (2)
• Of the reported domestic violence cases, 25.5% were incidences where the perpetrator used alcohol. (3)
• White victims accounted for 50.1% of reported cases and non-whites accounted for 49.9% of reported cases, however non-whites are 2.2% more likely to be victims than whites. (4)
• In 2004, 1,720 forcible rape case were reported. Of which 57% were white females and 41% black females. (5)
• Victims identified their perpetrator as either spouse or family member 59.4% of the time. (6)
• South Carolina ranks 6th nationally in the number of women killed by male intimate. (7)
• Of these cases, 28% of the victims were spouses of the perpetrator; 14% cohabited with the perpetrator; 6% dated the perpetrator. (7)
  
  Sources:
  (1),(2) South Carolina Attorney General’s Office
  (3),(4) South Carolina Department of Public Safety, 2004 Report on Domestic Violence
  (5),(6) Report from South Carolina State SLED
  (7) South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault.

The irony is that some of these abused people were turned away from safe houses due to lack of space, while lost animals can find shelter. What are our priorities?

Don't Hurt Anybody

Let’s discuss this further. Mental, physical, verbal and any other abuse that you can think of is not worth it. Remember, at one point in your relationship you loved each other for whatever it was. You sacrificed for each other, you laughed and you cried and you made love with each other. This was the person you were willing to spend the rest of your life with. DO NOT HURT ANYONE! If they no longer want you, let go and leave! I understand the pain and hurt you might feel but man-up and show what you can do! Vengeance is success! So get off your lazy butt and show the world that you can move on, too! Don’t think of stalking, don’t think of calling and hanging up, no mental games, no word games and definitely no physical abuse displays. Man Up! Prove there is a life for you without her. Who knows, you might be one of the lucky ones that have a good woman that already believes in you and is the force behind you that can help you find your potential.

One-sided Relationships

I expect to get in hot water over this because many people believe that love should be 100%. But you can’t get 100% from everyone including the person you love. Most relationships are lop-sided, uneven and unfair. But that’s life, too! Step back and be objective about past relationships. Thinking back, haven’t you noticed that whenever you fell in love with someone, you start by falling flat on your face? You love her, she loves someone else. So you begin the task of getting her to notice and fall in love with you. You are already trying to push the snowball uphill and you get tired pretty quick, but you don’t give up because you’re keeping hope alive. Wake up! Every now and then, you recognize and she recognizes that there is potential with the two of you. Both of you put forward the effort and once in a while it works out. But think, which one of you love the other more? Who learned the lesson from breakups and broken hearts? Can it be balanced enough? One thing is guaranteed. Any relationship is hard work and if you both intend for it to last, take the good with the bad. And if you want to give 100%, go ahead. If it doesn’t work out, don’t get all broken up and hurt someone. Nobody forced you, you made the choice.

What Does a Man Want?

Many of us have misguided ideas about future relationships. We want a model on our arms but at the same time we would like to have her as our “best friend.” How many of us have the privilege of being able to have at least one of those choices? How many of us don’t get either? We’re hardly able to find a partner more so than a mate. And we wonder why so many relationships end on sour notes. We get into them for the wrong reasons. Lust fulfills us for the moment, lust does it temporarily. But it’s a lot more than just an orgasm. We all know how long that can last, just not long enough. Guys, we can’t fool ourselves. Maybe we are in it just for the nookie, but keep it real, we want more than that. When we are in love, it does, feel good! We just don’t know how long it will last. Maybe some of us tend think that love is temporary.

Well, What Do We Want?

What do you want from the person? What do you want from the relationship? Look for it, find it and stick to it. Trust and honesty can not be bought. They are gained by communication and closeness. If you have a high work ethic, you would want someone to at least work full-time. And show a desire to work steady. Hey, you know exactly what I am saying. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Once, you let a liar get away with the “stretch” of the truth. It’s on! It’s easy for them to hold back. They justify it so well. The biggest setback is the liar thinks that you don’t listen and not smart enough to know what he/she is saying. All of us have some code of morals. For some guys, it’s not noticeable at all. But it’s there. We can’t continue to use excuses from childhood, environment, society and education to disrespect our women. Yeah, there are women that don’t respect themselves but let’s not try to figure that out. We all have problems, don’t complicate them.

Relationships Are Hard Work

Who learned the lesson from breakups and broken hearts? Can it be balanced enough? One thing is guaranteed. Any relationship is hard work and if you both intend for it to last, take the good with the bad. And if you want to give 100%, go ahead. If it doesn’t work out, don’t get all broken up and hurt someone. Nobody forced you, you made the choice. Get the hell out and move on!

Move On

A broken heart takes a while to mend. You can appear to behave foolishly when you are too wrapped up in love. You can’t act or think rationally. You become out of control. Jealousy sets in and you become a complete idiot. Hey! If you are not wanted, let it go! Jealousy complicates things. It can cause major problems with too many people. Sometimes, people can cause you major problems. Long-term problems. Your irrational action can mess you up. So don’t be stupid. Move on! Men have a longer recovery period than women after a break up. We take the break up to heart and want to retaliate. We can’t forgive as easily as women do. But none of us will forget.

The Basis of Love

Hope and love are strong words. They even have biblical connections. Do not play with them! Is your future love worth it? Can you see yourself with that person? Ask yourself. Is your partner pushy, domineering? Do you feel each time you see each other, you have to undergo an inspection? Are you critiqued about what you wear or how you behave? Marriage is not a game and you want a partner not a cell mate. When hope ebbs, soon will your love. I truly do not believe that any relationship is easy. How deep is that relationship? Was it built on the curves, the hardness, and the softness? The image looks great for now. How important is the image after several years when gravity and age comes? How deep is your maturity, more importantly your love, to see pass that? I know if the loving is good and the body is right, you’re in it for the long run. At least, while it lasts. Then when the change come, what are you going to do?

In & Out Won't Work In This

Love is not an electric switch that you can turn off and on. It’s not that kind of action. Hearts are broken, feelings are hurt and wounds are deeply opened. People, be honest with each other, not abusive in anyway. Satan, the enemy, will use any deception he can find to destroy a loving relationship, even in the name of religion. But, if you are rooted in the love of Christ who strengthens you, your spirit will recognize deceiving spirits. But if the one you love justifies a reason for their action in the name of that spirit, respect it and move on. Remember, there is a time and a season for all things. God is good and merciful, all of time. In and out relationships, though at times, may seem destined for marriage, usually are heartaches and emotional roller coasters. They can do more harm than good.

Dogs & Bad Boys

We all heard that “a good woman is hard to find and when you find her keep her!” I learned that the same standard should be applied to men! But you don’t hear anyone pushing that. “Men are dogs and don’t expect anymore than that from them." Good men get abused because women want a challenge to convert somebody. Therefore, they prefer the “dogs”. They want the thugs, the beaters and the “bad boys” of the world,. Should we put all women in that category? Or should I say this is more an exception than a rule?

Tennis, Anyone?

Games are for sports not for relationships! If you sportsters want to take the show off the field, course, court and etc., leave it someplace else before you get in a relationship. Relationships are already hard work, why bring games to it? I mean, enjoy each other, laugh and joke whenever you can. Love is temporary. And nowadays, people are looking for any excuse to get out of a relationship. When you disagree, you can make up. But don’t just disagree, return what you received, ask back what you gave and say the relationship is over. Then, less than 12 hours, you profess your love and want to get back together, again, again, again, and again. That’s an emotional waste. It also becomes a game for somebody. But remember! After the games, come the playoffs!

Man Up

Ladies, be impressed with a man that loves your child and you! Admire him, treat him with love and respect, because he definitely believes in treating you with respect. Especially, if he treats your kids like his own! A man does not have to be a biological dad to make a good father. His interest is in raising and loving his family. But you can act a fool if you want to, ladies. That love can and will leave!

Women Are Shallow, Too

I am knocking the woman, because women and men both look at the outside of the cover before reading the book. And if the cover looks good, then maybe their baby will inherit one or the others’ particular looks. Not much thought on what kind of family man can this prospect be. But, who I am? I’m just a member of the good guy club. You all have heard a woman say how pretty some dude’s eyes are. Or, he has such pretty hair. At least, some body part that they admire and wonder how would his kids look. And yet, you women call guys shallow.

What About the Kids?

Another issue, her kids. They do have an impact on a relationship, don’t they? Talk about pressure! I know that can work both ways! But the woman wants the man to be liked by her family. I am sure she views her potential suitor as a possible father. But would she allow him to discipline the children? Women are fairly good judges of men. They have an idea if the guy is going to work out and click with the kids. You noticed I said fairly good judges, right? Because the baby mama drama would not exist if they knew the daddy was worth his salt.

Mom Doesn't Like Her

Let’s settle this one particular issue before we address the others. Ladies, if the man loves you but his mother does not, don’t make him choose! That extra stress some of you like to put on the man about your mother or me is unnecessary. If you trust your man enough that you know without question that he loves you, then give him the space to deal with his mom, whom he knows does not love you! That’s some pressure, ladies. And keep that “ you can go sleep with your momma” crap to yourselves. That is for perverts and perverts will not want you!

Is a Good Guy Worth It, Ladies?

Good guys are good guys. They tend to think about their mate before themselves. They have predictable behavior. They speak to folks the way they would want someone to speak to them. They apologize for any outburst in anger or causing their mate pain. Good guys want to impress upon their mate, that they can be trusted. And where does that get them? Ho-hum. Boring.....As some men reject good women, women reject good guys more. Remember? A good guy is not a challenge. Women want to accomplish something with their men. As the saying goes, “If it’s too good to be true..........” Don’t get mistreatment twisted, fellas, for love. You know what abuse is. If the woman is right, you’ll know. If she doesn’t want you, leave! Why hang around for unnecessary drama? Enjoy your life and move on. If one woman doesn’t appreciate you, another woman will. Don’t lose sleep over who will.

Woman, What Do You Want From Me?

Most of us guys tend to think that a woman does not want a good man. She wants a bad boy! Bad boys are exciting and full of intrigue! They are unpredictable and if they mistreat you, well, you knew from the start what type of thug he was. Hey fellas, I’m only relaying what several women have told me! And most of all, bad boys know how to make a woman feel good when it’s time for the loving! However, they are a challenge to the woman that wants to change that bad boy image to a good guy. In that case, it will be time to find another bad boy. Deep inside, many women want to be respected, treated equally and loved unconditionally. They may like to be seen with the “cool guy” but the possible mistreatment is something they might like to avoid. No one likes to be abused and degraded. And in time, the woman leaves that relationship to start a new bad boy cycle.

What Am I To You?

Soul mates won’t have signs on them to let you know who they are, but they fit in comfortably. If you’re patient, you’ll know. And don’t let go, if you do find that special person. Pray and love each other deeply and truly. Don’t take each other for granted. Always make each other feel special. It will go a long way.

A Love of Your Own

Find a love of your own. Leave the “taken” women alone. Married. If you find a single woman do not rush to love. She might have baggage but so do you. Most of the time women are better handling their baggage than men. Be upfront with each other, find out what you both want from each other and don’t fake it. That includes all facets in life including lovemaking. If you like freaks, let her know. Give up on finding the “perfect” woman. Find the one that’s perfect for you.

Love or Lust?

Do you want love or lust? Keep it simple and avoid unnecessary drama. Skip the games, be upfront with the woman. Do not put the woman on a pedestal, she is not worth it. Even if she treats you right do not elevate her to celestial standing. Understand that she knows your weaknesses and will sometimes play them against you.

Set of Age Standards

Develop a set of standards. Who to date, who not to date. My suggestion, stick within your age group. Don’t be a sponsor or sugar daddy for the little young girls. Any age ten years above and below yours should be carefully considered. Generation gaps exist, don’t think love conquers all. Your thinking levels are way off. 5-7 years should be your cutoff. There are rare exceptions to how some younger mates relate, but they are not the norm. It depends on the maturity level of your partner and what they want from you.

Save A Little Of Yourself

I might sound selfish, but don’t give 100% of yourself. It may be love at first sight but pray that the scales of fantasy fall swiftly from your eyes. You can get so wrapped up in love that when you’re hit with the reality bug, it can really hurt you. A broken heart will take a long time to mend. Life is too short to feel sorry for yourself. So, save some happiness for yourself.

Where Do I Go From Here?

When hope is gone, so is the love. Don’t fool yourself any longer. When the woman stops loving you for whatever the reason, you must ask yourself, is it worth the work to regain her love? I do mean hard labor.

This Can Stress You Out

In and out, on again and off again relationships should be avoided at all costs. You are setting yourself up. Keep letting her come back and forth will only take you to an emotional meltdown. And you keep begging to go back and not change yourself will not help at all. Get on with your life, man! I know it’s hard but get over it!

Cracks & Wedges

The mother will see that you genuinely love the family. If you separate from the relationship for whatever reason, keep in touch with the children. You might not mean anything to the mother anymore, but you might have been something to the little ones. It might be hard to adjust to this, but it is not the childrens' fault that you and the mom could not get along with each other.
On the flip side of the coin, don’t let anyone put a wedge between you and your immediate family either. Only family knows what each other situations are. At times they share their problems. But most of the time, that’s all you got, family. And if you got a family that sticks together, they are like best friends. They get mad at you and might not speak for a while. But, you know that they have your back and are there for you when no one else is. Unfortunately, some of us have co-workers that are closer to us than some family members.

Blood Is Thicker

Blood is thicker than water! If you enter a relationship as part of an extended family, do not expect to have unconditional authority. Expect it and deal with it. How can you suggest raising somebody else’s kids when you never had any experience? Common sense and your own upbringing may not count, you still don’t have the experience. Of course, I’m being facetious. I believe we all have a natural instinct to raise our young.

Be True To Yourself

Don’t stop being a good person! Be yourself! You do not change for anyone, anymore! Compromise if you need to, but stay true to yourself! Maintain your principles, hopefully, you’ll have some. If you treat women with respect, don’t stop! I repeat, don’t stop! However, let that woman know you will not take any crap right at the beginning of your relationship, friendship or whatever.

Be Real

There are great things in this world and sometimes you see them if you have great people by your side. Fame and fortune are not the principal ingredients for a true relationship. People with titles or initials after their names might sound good but are not always good for you. Not everything will go your way when two people are involved. Everyone is an individual, be real up front with that philosophy and hope you are respected by it. Respect and honesty and most of all forgiveness, to me, are the major ingredients of having a loving relationship.