Open Letter To God

God, I’m fighting depression real hard today! Life can be so confusing. One minute I’m on top and everything seems to be in control. The next second, all hell breaks loose. What are you expecting from me? What do you want me to do? My friends are suffering, families are suffering, I am suffering and it seems my prayers are not working. I don’t have enough money to cover all my debts, I don’t have enough love for peace and harmony, and I don’t have enough patience to wait for You to get me through. What is wrong with me? I thought I was trying to do your will. I admit, I haven’t been really pushing and I have slipped a lot more than expected, but does that mean you’re not going to help me? My co-workers are dealing with job security and other personal problems, my neighbor’s car seem to be breaking down every week. People are losing their family members to all kinds of sicknesses and cancers and names unknown to man. The holidays seem more stressful than ever and we don’t even have to get half the amount of gifts as before. The older I get, the more I hurt. I’m even getting sensitive. I got full when Lightening McQueen in CARS, rather than win the race, went back and pushed The King over the finish line when The King got knocked out of the race by Chick Hicks. I don’t know if it was the sacrifice Lightening made or the lesson he learned from Doc Hudson or the townspeople of Radiator Springs that made me misty eyed. I’m leaning towards being older as my excuse. This is nothing compared to the problems people are facing, God, and you know that I’m venting. Are you showing me that I don’t have any control with my life at all? You know that I can’t even read Footprints in its entirety any more. Why because I know that you have carried me all my life! I am grateful for your blessings but I would like to win the lottery to help my friends and family. I know I can’t win if I don’t play. Just talking to You have already made me feel better. It’s really true, I feel so much better now that I’ve given my burdens to You. Since I don’t have that kind of control, I might as well trust that You’ll be. It just gets hard sometimes, that’s all. Holidays just aren’t the same any more. But, I am grateful that you let me see them.