A Lesson I learned This Week!

    What have I learned this week? I learned how great God is. I learned how powerful he is. I learned that I lacked faith. Doubt and fear are severe weaknesses. I learned how it affects my marriage, my wife, and myself. I learned that I can be better and that there is still time to get my act together. I’ve said I have a praying wife who prayed for me again this morning. I always feel at my lowest when I see that I hurt her in some way or another. I should be encouraging and supportive, but instead, I’m critiquing and tearing her down over what? Am I that picky? Am I that type of idiot? I have a great wife, a good woman, a caring and loving woman. It’s like I’m trying to sabotage this relationship.

 

    I went to confession yesterday at church, and the priest told me to trust God more. It would help to build up my faith in him so that when every doubt and fear occurs in my mind. I should tell myself to rely on God and do my part, leave the rest of Him, and trust in Him. That night, I slept off and on. I had a headache when I woke up in the middle of the night. I must’ve gone to the bathroom two or three times, and my dreams were surreal and weird. I took an aspirin for a headache, which did not exactly help either. I woke up this morning. I am grateful for that. God could have taken me. I was very sluggish, and once again, my wife prayed for me and herself to be a better wife. When she already is, when it’s me. We said our morning prayers together. Then, we went our separate ways to say our prayers.

 

    The smell of coffee brought me to the kitchen, where she made an omelet with olives and onions. She makes the best coffee and omelet. The ingredients are whatever we have left in the refrigerator. She was also getting dressed for church. 

 

    I have a good thing and still live in the past with regrets. I must overcome this. The evidence is genuine and tangible. The results are miracles and an appreciation of the Lord's goodness. I don’t have any excuses to ignore the miracles in my life.

 

Dreams of Peace!

They say old men dream dreams, and as I've gotten older, I've had many perplexing dreams that I don't understand. The world is becoming more dangerous every day. We're divided, contentious, hateful, and unkind to each other. We've been greedy and wanting more since the beginning of time, even when we have more than enough. These dreams I have are unlike anything I've dreamed of, and I don't understand them. God was there no matter where I was in those dreams or what I did. When I am awake, I still feel His presence. We are going to need it.

 

It's election year. Things have gotten worse. It's like a battle between good and evil. So much evil has been spewed, and it is backfiring back. Is there a cover-up? To me, if candidate Trump was wounded, why is there no one from the media or medical world discussing the effects? Some people took advantage of it to enhance his candidacy. After all, Trump appeared in some movies. Maybe he went old-school Hollywood to the nation. We will never know what was on the mind of the young man who died and the bystanders killed by him that fateful day.

 

As we know, Biden lost the debate against Trump, but no one knew what was happening in Biden‘s mind or body. Trump avoided the questions and never had any positive substance to support that he knew what he was doing. Nevertheless, he tried to come back, flubbing his news interview, and now, of course, he has Covid. His party does not support the incumbent, Joe Biden; they ask him not to run for reelection, and he complies.  

 

What is so shameful about our country right now is that it was built on the backs of enslaved peoples, who were forced to leave their homes. Immigrants, no less. Others left their homeland with free will, some with fear, seeking happiness and freedom from tyranny. This young nation fought wars on this land against the British, against tyranny, denouncing oppression, and finding democracy. And during that time, we’ve had a civil war and other wars to protect this democracy. Unfortunately, biased people never recovered from it. Ironically, some of these very descendants want to repeat living under an oppressive government, denying the pursuit of happiness for others and abandoning people’s rights that so many before them died for.

 

This article is not about any presidency or candidates running for president. It is about good versus evil. The trend towards blocking goodwill is a pattern around us. Division is keeping the country in depression and anxiety on edge. Is Project 2024 the new Mein Kampf and Doctrine of Fascism? Is a Democratic society moving towards a dictatorship? God forbid. Americans refuse to repeat the failures of the past here or anywhere else. This is a need and a time for prayer. It’s time for the true believers to stand up and pray for this nation’s future. There are no excuses. We all need to dream and hope for peace.

Loving is Hard, Forgiving is Harder

Life is already demanding enough to deal with the business of survival. Add families and relationships to it, and you can have some severe complications. We all know it, and if you are still living, you are still dealing with it. At some point, our emotions start to get the best of us when we open ourselves emotionally to someone we think will accept us as we are and we, them. Eventually, we get that feeling for the other person we call love. We can only hope that they would love us as much.

 

 During these emotional roller coasters, we find that the love was temporary for whatever reason, and then, we’re not in love anymore but left with a super heartache. Some of us are left with an emptiness, a void, because we gave too much of ourselves to make that love work. This type of love is nothing compared to the loss of a loved one who passed from one world to the next. Keep in mind that there are different kinds of love and levels. There’s not enough room and time to get into all of that. I want to keep it simple. Once we’ve gone through the breakups and heartaches, we build walls and barriers to avoid future hurts. Those who are “successful” in remaining in love find that staying in love is hard. It takes a lot of work to prove it, put up with it, and keep it. 

 

It takes more forgiving to make that love work. How much can you forgive? It’s up to the persons involved. None of us are perfect, yet we think that being in love should be. So, if one of us makes a mistake that shouldn’t have happened, it can be unforgivable. Our anger and pride will make us so blind and hurt that we forget that we could have been the ones who made the mistake. That’s what we do. We become hell to live with or stay in love when we get hurt.

 

 Hairline cracks become valleys, and it’s hard to cross. Some of us are unwilling to go the extra mile. It might show a sign of weakness or submission. Instead of trying, we give up and move on with the baggage, which becomes a new brick in our walls. Forgive? Some of our arguments are so stupid that we can’t even remember why. Yet, we are held hostage by our stupidity. Acts of distrust and betrayal can be unforgivable acts. Sharing your most trusted love with an outsider can be terrible. But what did we do to cause it? What was going on in our life that was so important that we took that love for granted and ignored the symptoms?

 

 Future loves will catch hell. We men have had our hearts broken and carry baggage, too! We look for honesty and trust, but we wait to see if our love will be returned. Now, we will go through the effort to get to know you and feel you. But we won’t waste your time and ours if it’s not legit. Well, I can’t talk about all men, not even the older, mature ones, but I think a general consensus stands behind what I say about this. Some of you ladies can’t believe it’s natural, so you balk and put us through tests. Is that necessary? I asked because no one likes to be tested. If you don’t want us, say so! Some of you will lose a good thing. When you do, don’t look back. Woulda, coulda, and shoulda won’t have any values. Now, who will forgive you?

 

In closing this entry, love is a gift we find and share. It is true that some people will reject your gift or won't appreciate it. But don't let that stop you. Love is a unique gift that God has for us all to share. I don't think we would reject His love, but we do when we reject it from each other. This is Advent for many religions, and we should be more patient, understanding, and loving than ever. It was God's Unconditional Love for us to send His only son to be sacrificed so horribly by man to save us. I wish you all a peaceful, blessed, and loving Christmas Season.

Thanks For Being a Blessing, Cousin!

How do, Cousin?

 

My wife & I ate at this restaurant in Savannah, Ga., some years ago. It was an old, segregated bus station the one co-owner, Mashama Bailey, executive chef, and a black woman, bought. She kept the Colored-Only and White-Only signs up in the restaurant. I’m guessing she kept those signs as reminders of the past and whose hands the restaurant is now in. The picture is a humbling reminder of bad times. Lord knows some of us lived it. It doesn’t look like much has changed except modern technology and progress.  Some attitudes are still fighting for the return of Jim Crow. 

 

            There were some good times in our community, too. I remember how the adults looked out for our young and old neighbors. The community stepped in when a neighbor was ill, didn’t have food, or the children needed clothing. We don’t see this too much in our community now. Times have changed, and we have, too.

 

            I know, Dallas, you’re old school, a part of the community passed down generations ago. My Wife and I are very grateful for your sacrifices for us. After all this wordiness, we wanted to say thank you, Cuz! You are appreciated!

 

May you be blessed on earth and in heaven. We love you.

Family, We Will Always Need Them!

            I admire families that are close in spirit and support each other. I want to think I had that when we were growing up, but now that I’m older, I’m not too sure. Yes, I know my mother and maternal grandmother supported us.  I didn’t see much from my father’s side.  I always thought my paternal grandmother was mean to us, and my cousins were her favorites.  She babysat for our parents while they worked.  I couldn’t wait for my mother to pick us up; that’s how much I had been whenever I was there.  It could have been my perception that my paternal grandmother would punish us at her will.  We couldn’t play rough, overate, got too dirty, played too long with something, and were punished.  I was happy that my maternal grandmother returned and kept us.  I wonder now that it was then that I began to separate myself from my cousins and people in general.

 

            I know I separated myself from my father.  He reminded me of his mother’s attitude.  He would give the other kids in the neighborhood where he caroused money, but nothing to but stern talk to us.  His father was a ladies’ man, like father, like son.  Is that genetic?  Looking back after becoming an adult, I wonder if my maternal grandmother took her discontent out on us.  After all, my father was named after his father.  The point is that this disconnection affected my relationship with people.  I didn’t want to get too close to anyone.  I love my family, but did I love them the way other families loved each other?  Those relationships included brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts.  I became a loner.  I didn’t attend many family functions, such as birthdays, funerals, reunions, or celebrations.  I didn’t get to know them, and they didn’t get to know me.

 

            Now that I am in my seventies, it’s no better.  I am content with the people around me and in my life.  Life goes on.  I have opened up to one of my first cousins, mainly because he never gave up on me.  I respect sincerity and believe he is sincere.  I didn’t give my aunt’s children much to go on since she had moved away when we were young.  I was close to my uncles but not as much with my cousins.  We all tend to be suspicious of the past.  I understand that.  Out of the blue, after so many years, why now try to contact each other?  I used to call my Aunties years ago but lost contact with them after my first marriage.  Over time, life brings changes such as losing loved ones, career changes, moving to new cities, and technological advancements. I also lost some phone numbers along the way.

 

            As mentioned, my first cousin kept me informed and up to date.  When I got the new numbers, I found out that one aunt was going through dementia, and the other had almost forgotten me.  I wanted to reconnect through the latest numbers my cousin gave me.  Their children or grandchildren were suspicious of me, as I would for my mother.  I am grateful that people close to me forgive me.  My nieces and nephews have forgiven me for not being a part of their lives for several years.  I have always been cautious about developing long-term relationships because I didn’t want to mourn or be mourned by those I love.

 

            Looking back, my time at my paternal grandparents' house wasn’t always hard. She did the best they could with several grandchildren in the house simultaneously.  My grandfather worked, and she was the stay-at-home wife.  My grandmother had to keep an eye on us mischievous boys. There were four boys and three girls. We were quite a handful. The girls stayed close to her.  They wanted us to catch butterflies, and we wanted to run.  They would rather play jumping jacks and remain in the house while we played stickball, catch, and race.  We were dirty and stinky, but they stayed clean.  My grandmother didn’t want us hurt and had to be stern.  What would our parents think if they picked us up injured?  I don’t know what my grandmother felt.  She was responsible for six-year-old and younger children.  She had four and plenty of experience raising them.

 

            Parents with children sacrifice their lives for their loved ones.  They suffer through pain, doubts, and fears to do their best to provide for and protect their families.  There are moments of tension and disagreements, some to the point of estrangement.  Some reconciled, some didn’t.  I’ve learned that it is healthy to maintain a unified, supportive family, encouraging and supportive of each other with lots of forgiveness and understanding.  Families require much work, but it’s worth it.  I don’t want to take anything from the fathers who do their utmost for their families. I respect them.  Mothers, I admire.  They will pray and be the glue for the family.  They will give up their careers and all their lives for their husbands and children.  We can’t give up on our families.  We need each other.