I admire families that are close in spirit and support each other. I want to think I had that when we were growing up, but now that I’m older, I’m not too sure. Yes, I know my mother and maternal grandmother supported us. I didn’t see much from my father’s side. I always thought my paternal grandmother was mean to us, and my cousins were her favorites. She babysat for our parents while they worked. I couldn’t wait for my mother to pick us up; that’s how much I had been whenever I was there. It could have been my perception that my paternal grandmother would punish us at her will. We couldn’t play rough, overate, got too dirty, played too long with something, and were punished. I was happy that my maternal grandmother returned and kept us. I wonder now that it was then that I began to separate myself from my cousins and people in general.
I know I separated myself from my father. He reminded me of his mother’s attitude. He would give the other kids in the neighborhood where he caroused money, but nothing to but stern talk to us. His father was a ladies’ man, like father, like son. Is that genetic? Looking back after becoming an adult, I wonder if my maternal grandmother took her discontent out on us. After all, my father was named after his father. The point is that this disconnection affected my relationship with people. I didn’t want to get too close to anyone. I love my family, but did I love them the way other families loved each other? Those relationships included brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts. I became a loner. I didn’t attend many family functions, such as birthdays, funerals, reunions, or celebrations. I didn’t get to know them, and they didn’t get to know me.
Now that I am in my seventies, it’s no better. I am content with the people around me and in my life. Life goes on. I have opened up to one of my first cousins, mainly because he never gave up on me. I respect sincerity and believe he is sincere. I didn’t give my aunt’s children much to go on since she had moved away when we were young. I was close to my uncles but not as much with my cousins. We all tend to be suspicious of the past. I understand that. Out of the blue, after so many years, why now try to contact each other? I used to call my Aunties years ago but lost contact with them after my first marriage. Over time, life brings changes such as losing loved ones, career changes, moving to new cities, and technological advancements. I also lost some phone numbers along the way.
As mentioned, my first cousin kept me informed and up to date. When I got the new numbers, I found out that one aunt was going through dementia, and the other had almost forgotten me. I wanted to reconnect through the latest numbers my cousin gave me. Their children or grandchildren were suspicious of me, as I would for my mother. I am grateful that people close to me forgive me. My nieces and nephews have forgiven me for not being a part of their lives for several years. I have always been cautious about developing long-term relationships because I didn’t want to mourn or be mourned by those I love.
Looking back, my time at my paternal grandparents' house wasn’t always hard. She did the best they could with several grandchildren in the house simultaneously. My grandfather worked, and she was the stay-at-home wife. My grandmother had to keep an eye on us mischievous boys. There were four boys and three girls. We were quite a handful. The girls stayed close to her. They wanted us to catch butterflies, and we wanted to run. They would rather play jumping jacks and remain in the house while we played stickball, catch, and race. We were dirty and stinky, but they stayed clean. My grandmother didn’t want us hurt and had to be stern. What would our parents think if they picked us up injured? I don’t know what my grandmother felt. She was responsible for six-year-old and younger children. She had four and plenty of experience raising them.
Parents with children sacrifice their lives for their loved ones. They suffer through pain, doubts, and fears to do their best to provide for and protect their families. There are moments of tension and disagreements, some to the point of estrangement. Some reconciled, some didn’t. I’ve learned that it is healthy to maintain a unified, supportive family, encouraging and supportive of each other with lots of forgiveness and understanding. Families require much work, but it’s worth it. I don’t want to take anything from the fathers who do their utmost for their families. I respect them. Mothers, I admire. They will pray and be the glue for the family. They will give up their careers and all their lives for their husbands and children. We can’t give up on our families. We need each other.
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