If You Are Abused

WHAT YOU CAN DO IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED

While you cannot stop your partner’s abuse—only he or she can do that—you can find help and support for yourself.

• Talk with someone you trust: a friend or relative, a neighbor, coworker or religious or spiritual advisor.
• Tell your physician, nurse, psychiatrist or therapist about the abuse.
• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline [1-800-799-SAFE (7233)], your state domestic violence coalition, and/or a local domestic violence agency.
• Call the police if you are in danger. Remember, you know your situation better than anyone else.
• Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you.
  

Domestic Violence

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
© Copyright 2005 American Psychiatric Association

SOME EARLY SIGNS OF ABUSE:

• Quick whirlwind romance.
• Wanting to be with you all the time; tracking what you’re doing and who you’re with.
• Jealousy at any perceived attention to or from others.
• Attempts to isolate you in the guise of loving behavior.
• Hypersensitivity to perceived slights.
• Quick to blame others for the abuse Pressures you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with.

2004 Domestic Violence Facts

More facts on Domestic Violence in South Carolina. It's 2004 data, but that's all I cound find at this time. Hopefully, you'll get the message. If they don't want you, leave them alone.

• In 2004, 15,607 people reported being a victim of a domestic incident. (1)
• Females accounted for 82.8% of the reported victims and males accounted for 17.3% of the reported victims. (2)
• Of the reported domestic violence cases, 25.5% were incidences where the perpetrator used alcohol. (3)
• White victims accounted for 50.1% of reported cases and non-whites accounted for 49.9% of reported cases, however non-whites are 2.2% more likely to be victims than whites. (4)
• In 2004, 1,720 forcible rape case were reported. Of which 57% were white females and 41% black females. (5)
• Victims identified their perpetrator as either spouse or family member 59.4% of the time. (6)
• South Carolina ranks 6th nationally in the number of women killed by male intimate. (7)
• Of these cases, 28% of the victims were spouses of the perpetrator; 14% cohabited with the perpetrator; 6% dated the perpetrator. (7)
  
  Sources:
  (1),(2) South Carolina Attorney General’s Office
  (3),(4) South Carolina Department of Public Safety, 2004 Report on Domestic Violence
  (5),(6) Report from South Carolina State SLED
  (7) South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault.

The irony is that some of these abused people were turned away from safe houses due to lack of space, while lost animals can find shelter. What are our priorities?

Don't Hurt Anybody

Let’s discuss this further. Mental, physical, verbal and any other abuse that you can think of is not worth it. Remember, at one point in your relationship you loved each other for whatever it was. You sacrificed for each other, you laughed and you cried and you made love with each other. This was the person you were willing to spend the rest of your life with. DO NOT HURT ANYONE! If they no longer want you, let go and leave! I understand the pain and hurt you might feel but man-up and show what you can do! Vengeance is success! So get off your lazy butt and show the world that you can move on, too! Don’t think of stalking, don’t think of calling and hanging up, no mental games, no word games and definitely no physical abuse displays. Man Up! Prove there is a life for you without her. Who knows, you might be one of the lucky ones that have a good woman that already believes in you and is the force behind you that can help you find your potential.

One-sided Relationships

I expect to get in hot water over this because many people believe that love should be 100%. But you can’t get 100% from everyone including the person you love. Most relationships are lop-sided, uneven and unfair. But that’s life, too! Step back and be objective about past relationships. Thinking back, haven’t you noticed that whenever you fell in love with someone, you start by falling flat on your face? You love her, she loves someone else. So you begin the task of getting her to notice and fall in love with you. You are already trying to push the snowball uphill and you get tired pretty quick, but you don’t give up because you’re keeping hope alive. Wake up! Every now and then, you recognize and she recognizes that there is potential with the two of you. Both of you put forward the effort and once in a while it works out. But think, which one of you love the other more? Who learned the lesson from breakups and broken hearts? Can it be balanced enough? One thing is guaranteed. Any relationship is hard work and if you both intend for it to last, take the good with the bad. And if you want to give 100%, go ahead. If it doesn’t work out, don’t get all broken up and hurt someone. Nobody forced you, you made the choice.

What Does a Man Want?

Many of us have misguided ideas about future relationships. We want a model on our arms but at the same time we would like to have her as our “best friend.” How many of us have the privilege of being able to have at least one of those choices? How many of us don’t get either? We’re hardly able to find a partner more so than a mate. And we wonder why so many relationships end on sour notes. We get into them for the wrong reasons. Lust fulfills us for the moment, lust does it temporarily. But it’s a lot more than just an orgasm. We all know how long that can last, just not long enough. Guys, we can’t fool ourselves. Maybe we are in it just for the nookie, but keep it real, we want more than that. When we are in love, it does, feel good! We just don’t know how long it will last. Maybe some of us tend think that love is temporary.

Well, What Do We Want?

What do you want from the person? What do you want from the relationship? Look for it, find it and stick to it. Trust and honesty can not be bought. They are gained by communication and closeness. If you have a high work ethic, you would want someone to at least work full-time. And show a desire to work steady. Hey, you know exactly what I am saying. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Once, you let a liar get away with the “stretch” of the truth. It’s on! It’s easy for them to hold back. They justify it so well. The biggest setback is the liar thinks that you don’t listen and not smart enough to know what he/she is saying. All of us have some code of morals. For some guys, it’s not noticeable at all. But it’s there. We can’t continue to use excuses from childhood, environment, society and education to disrespect our women. Yeah, there are women that don’t respect themselves but let’s not try to figure that out. We all have problems, don’t complicate them.