Family, We Will Always Need Them!

            I admire families that are close in spirit and support each other. I want to think I had that when we were growing up, but now that I’m older, I’m not too sure. Yes, I know my mother and maternal grandmother supported us.  I didn’t see much from my father’s side.  I always thought my paternal grandmother was mean to us, and my cousins were her favorites.  She babysat for our parents while they worked.  I couldn’t wait for my mother to pick us up; that’s how much I had been whenever I was there.  It could have been my perception that my paternal grandmother would punish us at her will.  We couldn’t play rough, overate, got too dirty, played too long with something, and were punished.  I was happy that my maternal grandmother returned and kept us.  I wonder now that it was then that I began to separate myself from my cousins and people in general.

 

            I know I separated myself from my father.  He reminded me of his mother’s attitude.  He would give the other kids in the neighborhood where he caroused money, but nothing to but stern talk to us.  His father was a ladies’ man, like father, like son.  Is that genetic?  Looking back after becoming an adult, I wonder if my maternal grandmother took her discontent out on us.  After all, my father was named after his father.  The point is that this disconnection affected my relationship with people.  I didn’t want to get too close to anyone.  I love my family, but did I love them the way other families loved each other?  Those relationships included brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts.  I became a loner.  I didn’t attend many family functions, such as birthdays, funerals, reunions, or celebrations.  I didn’t get to know them, and they didn’t get to know me.

 

            Now that I am in my seventies, it’s no better.  I am content with the people around me and in my life.  Life goes on.  I have opened up to one of my first cousins, mainly because he never gave up on me.  I respect sincerity and believe he is sincere.  I didn’t give my aunt’s children much to go on since she had moved away when we were young.  I was close to my uncles but not as much with my cousins.  We all tend to be suspicious of the past.  I understand that.  Out of the blue, after so many years, why now try to contact each other?  I used to call my Aunties years ago but lost contact with them after my first marriage.  Over time, life brings changes such as losing loved ones, career changes, moving to new cities, and technological advancements. I also lost some phone numbers along the way.

 

            As mentioned, my first cousin kept me informed and up to date.  When I got the new numbers, I found out that one aunt was going through dementia, and the other had almost forgotten me.  I wanted to reconnect through the latest numbers my cousin gave me.  Their children or grandchildren were suspicious of me, as I would for my mother.  I am grateful that people close to me forgive me.  My nieces and nephews have forgiven me for not being a part of their lives for several years.  I have always been cautious about developing long-term relationships because I didn’t want to mourn or be mourned by those I love.

 

            Looking back, my time at my paternal grandparents' house wasn’t always hard. She did the best they could with several grandchildren in the house simultaneously.  My grandfather worked, and she was the stay-at-home wife.  My grandmother had to keep an eye on us mischievous boys. There were four boys and three girls. We were quite a handful. The girls stayed close to her.  They wanted us to catch butterflies, and we wanted to run.  They would rather play jumping jacks and remain in the house while we played stickball, catch, and race.  We were dirty and stinky, but they stayed clean.  My grandmother didn’t want us hurt and had to be stern.  What would our parents think if they picked us up injured?  I don’t know what my grandmother felt.  She was responsible for six-year-old and younger children.  She had four and plenty of experience raising them.

 

            Parents with children sacrifice their lives for their loved ones.  They suffer through pain, doubts, and fears to do their best to provide for and protect their families.  There are moments of tension and disagreements, some to the point of estrangement.  Some reconciled, some didn’t.  I’ve learned that it is healthy to maintain a unified, supportive family, encouraging and supportive of each other with lots of forgiveness and understanding.  Families require much work, but it’s worth it.  I don’t want to take anything from the fathers who do their utmost for their families. I respect them.  Mothers, I admire.  They will pray and be the glue for the family.  They will give up their careers and all their lives for their husbands and children.  We can’t give up on our families.  We need each other.

Masks, Mandates, and Medicines!

    My wife and I have unfortunately been hit with COVID-19. Despite our best efforts to avoid it over the past few years, I did not wear a mask at church. The following Monday, I noticed the first signs of discomfort as an itchiness developed in my throat. Within a couple of days, my wife began to feel unwell, and her condition deteriorated more rapidly than mine. She has always been incredibly cautious, reminding me to constantly clean and sanitize my hands.  Lysol every surface we touch, especially in public spaces and stores, and take meticulous precautions while traveling. She has been diligent about wiping down frequently touched surfaces, using Lysol, and being mindful about using disposable cups and utensils, when necessary, especially in hotels and traveling.

 

    Reflecting on my careless indiscretion, I truly regret not taking the necessary precautions. However, it's important to note that my wife is brilliant and diligent in staying safe.

 

    To alleviate what I thought was just a summer cold, I took a liquid laxative usually used for colonoscopies, believing it would help. Meanwhile, my wife's condition continued to worsen while I thought I was doing well. We struggled together through the week, and on Monday morning, we sought medical attention at urgent care. It was then confirmed through testing that both of us had contracted COVID-19.

 

    The nurse informed me that I was at the tail end of the virus' effects and prescribed three types of medicine for me to take while also advising me to remain quarantined for a week. I couldn't help but think of a recently transitioned Navy friend who had caught COVID-19 in New York while waiting for their overseas cruise. They were confined to a hotel room, but at least we could be in our home. However, my wife insisted that we each stay in separate bedrooms. Since I started feeling better, I took charge of cooking and caring for her. We made sure to spray and wipe down the house thoroughly.

 

    I noticed that after my testing for COVID-19, the nurse still entered my holding room without a mask.  I asked if she thought of wearing a mask since I was infected.  She looked me in the eye and politely said it was her choice not to wear one. I didn’t ask any mask questions since then. I remember in 2020, mask-wearing and mandates were political bombshells divided by politics.  It appeared as a race issue, but it was mainly the elderly and people who cared about others who wore masks. Masks were used to separate the political parties from each other.  I must mention that women, overall, didn’t have a choice in what to choose that was best for them with their bodies. Political laws decided by law made that decision for them.

 

    It is important to remember the impact of the virus. Many people were hospitalized, intubated, and unfortunately passed away. Initially, there was resistance to mask-wearing and vaccination. The medical community faced challenges in treating the virus and developing effective vaccines. The vaccines were relatively new and were administered to people without prior testing on animals. Covid-19 was a severe and dangerous threat. My wife and I, like many others, took this threat seriously. Over time, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention discovered treatments and medications to combat the virus, much like purchasing a new car after its initial issues had been resolved.

 

    I was prescribed Benzonatate, Tessalon, Mucinex (not the OTC kind), and a six-day pack of pills. The medication was effective. My wife is taking cough syrup, using an inhaler, and pills. My realization of this situation came in the middle of the week.  While my wife and I temporarily lived separately and independently in the same house, I missed her. The love of my life was within reach, but I could not share a physical moment with her. When this thought dawned on me, I realized my responsibility was to care for her. Since I was in better condition than her, I prepared her meals and liquids and left them outside her bedroom door on a table. We maintained our daily morning and evening prayer times over the telephone.  I appreciated her more than ever.  I also learned not to let my guard down. Stay aware.  People may not have ill intentions, but we do not know what they know or intend to do.

Anger Is Painful!

Paul the apostle said, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," indicating that it's okay to feel anger, but it should be channeled into actions that uphold justice and righteousness. He also emphasized the importance of supporting and encouraging one another in our journey towards God's Kingdom rather than tearing each other down.  Some angry behaviors are self-motivated and vengeful.  The angry person’s victory is temporary and has no value or benefit to the person or others.

 

Dr. Charles F. Stanley, the founder of In Touch Ministries and a best-selling author, wrote about how the leaders of the 13 colonies came together against England’s injustices and wrote the Declaration of Independence. This historical document was written out of anger but advocated standing up for what is right and recognizing that all men are equal.  They are “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  It seems like peaceful demonstrations are part of the past, and violence is now accepted from the computer to in-your-face threats to people trying to do their jobs.  Anger rises when we go beyond God’s boundaries, seeking harm, hurt, and destruction instead of finding methods towards peace and obeying God’s Laws and Will. 

 

Our society is a testament to the prevalence of anger. It's all around us. We’re angry about sports, about the perceived mistreatment of our favorite athletes and teams.  We’re angry about whose religion is better.  We’re angry about ourselves and our circumstances.  Politicians are so angry about their parties that work can’t be completed, and even the judges can’t judge.  We’re even angry about the truth.  This widespread anger underscores the need for a deeper understanding of how to manage and channel our emotions in a way that promotes peace and righteousness. 

 

It is straightforward.  Our anger started at a very young age; it began within our families.  The very place where the devil looks to separate us from God’s love.  Satan is out to destroy what God’s love built.  The Garden of Evil is a staunch reminder.  

 

Satan, driven by his selfish desires, cunningly infiltrates a tranquil haven, employing deception and lies to persuade Adam and Eve, who are content and fulfilled, that their current state is insufficient. Through manipulation, the deceiver sets the couple against each other, resulting in the tragic loss of their innate blessings and love, which they must now toil tirelessly, never to return to that peace.  The serpent, willing to endure eternal slithering, triumphs in driving a permanent wedge between God and humanity. The deep-seated resentment between Adam and Eve's sons, Cain and Abel, persists for millennia, leaving a long-lasting legacy of anger and conflict.  We may not be their descendants to inherit this specific trait, but we learned it somewhere in our family tree.

 

Anger is harmful, hurtful, and destructive. Once we cross that line, there is little chance of having another opportunity for a do-over. It’s like losing a very valuable item; once lost, you will never get it back.  You may never recover from this as an excuse.  The behavior is inexcusable.  There is a chance to recover and find ways; plenty of resources can help.  Get them and use them.